Board Thread:Roleplaying/@comment-12599067-20141107033353/@comment-11457306-20141125060034

In view of our difficulties tonight, I thought I would offer further explanation. I feel that your actions on the DV were directed at getting back at me for leaving your RP. I do wish you had called me to chat to vent rather than disrupt Shille's RP.

I was a bit abrupt above and for that I am sorry. You definitely know how to push my buttons. I lost my temper and should never have had Megan blast Hasaan. I should not have killed off Kasra and Conall so abruptly. I just didn't know what to do with them.

I'd like to clarify, however, that I did not kill my characters off because I don't like your stories. (Yes, Shille told me you think I don't like your stories.  That's about all he told me.  He needed to tell me because you and I are like oil and water, flames and gasoline--we don't mix well.  That was the only way I was going to find out what the problem was.)  I believe the fact that I was in three of your RP's argues the opposite. I think you write terrific stories. I certainly am in no position to judge, for while I create good characters, I can't come up with a plot to save my life. I do however, as I said above, get bored in the battle scenes. I get bored in other RP's too during the battles, so you should not feel like yours are the only ones I get bored with.

The difficulty is that it is extremely problematic for me to come up with a workable character to function within your stories. Torene was perfect. It's very hard to top that--or even come close. That's why I kept asking for more details. Your stories require a certain type of character and without knowing what is going to be required, I can't just throw something together. I can't get as lucky as I was with Torene. It is statistically impossible.

The Rose was a perfect example of this. I did something I never should have done. When you told me what was required, I should have told you I'm sorry, but I can't do that. I thought I could manage it--and I did up to a certain point. Then I got disgusted at not only the turn of events but at myself and realized I just couldn't stomach it any more. It was making my real life miserable--like an actor too caught up in an evil role. It was not my intention to kill your RP--my sole intent was to get back my restful nights. I could not concentrate. It affected my work, my relationship with my family and disrupted my sleep. I had nightmares, for God's sake. That's when I knew I had to get out. I didn't do it very well. But whether or not Tegan left angry or left apologetically, the result would have been the same. Hindsight is 20/20, as they say. I never should have agreed to the role. I wound up hurting you. I vowed I would not do it again and so I really tried to stay out of this one from the beginning. I was begged to try and not by you. I did so against my better judgment and so now I've hurt you again. I'm sorry.

I can delete my death post above and try to continue on, if you like. I would ask that you please not force me into fighting so much. I would ask that you cut down on the number of battles, too. I think it's not necessary to the storyline. But if you feel you need to then at least make them quicker and don't take so long to build up to them. Some happy moments would be nice. All darkness and death is really depressing to me.

I truly am in a quandry as to what to do with Kaz and Conall. They are so blah I cringe when I write for them. I'd like to toss them out and start fresh. That was my intent, but I can't think of anyone to create. I'm just not feeling it with K&C though.

You let me know what you want to do, but please, don't punish me on Shille's RP. I may deserve it, but you're not just hurting me, you're hurting Shille and he has not done anything wrong.