Board Thread:Off Topic/@comment-4086262-20140730002451

(DISCLAIMER: I originally posted this on /r/Skyrim about two minutes ago, but figured you guys could appreciate too. I garuntee that I'm the writer although about 50% of was recycled from the original Shrek story. I tried to throw in as many Skyrim references as possible, so enjoy!)

I was only level 9.

>I loved Nazeem so much, I had little leather models of him and face masks that looked just like him.

>I pray to Nazeem every night before bed, thanking him for the life I've been given.

>"Nazeem is love", I say. "Nazeem is life".

>Jarl Ballin' hears me and calls me a wimp.

>I knew he was just jealous of my love for Nazeem

>I called him a milk-drinker

>He slaps me with his mighty swag and tells me to get out of the cloud district

>I'm crying now, and my face hurts

>I lay in bed and it's really cold

>A warmth is moving towards me

>I feel something touch me

>It's Nazeem

>I am so happy

>He whispered in my ear, "this is my cloud district"

>He grabs me with his powerful Non-Essential NPC hands and puts my on my hands and knees

<p style="margin-top:5px;margin-bottom:5px;color:rgb(221,221,221);font-family:verdana,arial,helvetica,sans-serif;font-size:small;line-height:normal;">>Shitty physics causes half the pots in the room to fly into the air

<p style="margin-top:5px;margin-bottom:5px;color:rgb(221,221,221);font-family:verdana,arial,helvetica,sans-serif;font-size:small;line-height:normal;">>My leg starts to glitch backwards through the wall

<p style="margin-top:5px;margin-bottom:5px;color:rgb(221,221,221);font-family:verdana,arial,helvetica,sans-serif;font-size:small;line-height:normal;">>I'm ready

<p style="margin-top:5px;margin-bottom:5px;color:rgb(221,221,221);font-family:verdana,arial,helvetica,sans-serif;font-size:small;line-height:normal;">>The screen goes black, I hear random sounds of a woman screaming

<p style="margin-top:5px;margin-bottom:5px;color:rgb(221,221,221);font-family:verdana,arial,helvetica,sans-serif;font-size:small;line-height:normal;">>Lasts for over ten seconds, not sure what's going on

<p style="margin-top:5px;margin-bottom:5px;color:rgb(221,221,221);font-family:verdana,arial,helvetica,sans-serif;font-size:small;line-height:normal;">>But I stay strong

<p style="margin-top:5px;margin-bottom:5px;color:rgb(221,221,221);font-family:verdana,arial,helvetica,sans-serif;font-size:small;line-height:normal;">>Stay strong for Nazeem

<p style="margin-top:5px;margin-bottom:5px;color:rgb(221,221,221);font-family:verdana,arial,helvetica,sans-serif;font-size:small;line-height:normal;">>I wake up hours later in my bed

<p style="margin-top:5px;margin-bottom:5px;color:rgb(221,221,221);font-family:verdana,arial,helvetica,sans-serif;font-size:small;line-height:normal;">>Nazeem is there, he nods at me

<p style="margin-top:5px;margin-bottom:5px;color:rgb(221,221,221);font-family:verdana,arial,helvetica,sans-serif;font-size:small;line-height:normal;">>I have a +10 Speech bonus thanks to the glory of Nazeem

<p style="margin-top:5px;margin-bottom:5px;color:rgb(221,221,221);font-family:verdana,arial,helvetica,sans-serif;font-size:small;line-height:normal;">>Nazeem looks straight in my eye and says "Do you get to the cloud district very often? I bet you do."

<p style="margin-top:5px;margin-bottom:5px;color:rgb(221,221,221);font-family:verdana,arial,helvetica,sans-serif;font-size:small;line-height:normal;">>As the words enter my ear, I am filled with spiritual fulfillment

<p style="margin-top:5px;margin-bottom:5px;color:rgb(221,221,221);font-family:verdana,arial,helvetica,sans-serif;font-size:small;line-height:normal;">>He glitches through the ceiling after trying to open a door

<p style="margin-top:5px;margin-bottom:5px;color:rgb(221,221,221);font-family:verdana,arial,helvetica,sans-serif;font-size:small;line-height:normal;">>I see him fly far, far away after he touched a bucket very lightly

<p style="margin-top:5px;margin-bottom:5px;color:rgb(221,221,221);font-family:verdana,arial,helvetica,sans-serif;font-size:small;line-height:normal;">>Mfw I haven't left the cloud district since <p style="margin-top:5px;margin-bottom:5px;">Nazeem is love, Nazeem is life <ac_metadata title="Nazeem is love, Nazeem is life"> </ac_metadata>