User blog:DubiousPeddler/Fishy on: Tiber Septim

So, as I'm sure you all know, there's this dude named Tiber Septim who built an empire and became a god. Here's an overview of what happened.

Once upon a time, this guy named Halt-tea Late-Moustache was born on some random island in Low Boulder or something. His exact race is unknown, he's thought to be an Imperial/Nord/Breton/Hungarian. Also, he was a Dragonborn but that mean't absolutely nothing since there weren't any dragons. So, Late-Moustache was taking a shower when he was and had an idea.

"Eye shud kell all da peeps n den bekum da eperor of a yoonited epire wedder peple liek it or not. Bot mabe I shud waet 4 a profesy or somting."

Many years later, Mr. Late-Moustache was taking his college buddies to war against the people who rightfully owned the Reach because YOLO. He met some guy named King Cool-Cane and they became best friends and decided to combine their armies of college friends to take the Reach. They shoved the Reachmen back to the gates of Young Holla-Dan, but they got lazy and didn't want to seige it. That night, some really random dead ghost Yoda guy came to Halt-tea's camp and taught him the force. Halt-tea used the force to throw down the walls of Young Holla-Dan and force-choked the commander. After their victories, his college friends started to call him "Skywalker". But then, the Blackbeards, peaceful ninja-pirates started to call Halt-tea's name and told him that he was supposed to defeat the Emperor and kill Darth Vader or something. Halt-tea "Skywalker" Late-Moustache shrugged it off as a prank and got some other guy to do it instead. So later, Halt-tea Late-Moustache democratically gathered all the people of Tamriel and shared his idea of becoming united as provinces together, and they all agreed and placed him ontop as the emperor. NAHHH! Instead, he marched an army of his best college friends Singing Tor and used it as a base and stuff. Later, he had a vision from the Faedric gods who told him to find the Bracelet of Queens and stuff. Halt-tea was all like.

"LOL. Am liek da purfect bein cuz I gert vesion frum Faedra. lelz."

So, Halt-tea got the amulet from some dead guy's tomb and killed some people. Afterwards, King Cool-Cain was like

"Aww yiss! I'm da new emperor!"

But Halt-tea was all like "Nope!" and decided to be a massive jerk and kill him and his friends because he thought that he was utterly perfect. Oh, and some time in between he changed his name to Tie-bird September for some reason. Tie-beard September's best friend Zoolander Arctus decided to be his wigman and crown him as emperor or something. Tie-Beard the decided to be a jerk again and slaughter everyone in Morrowind so he could get some ebony. So, they war ended with the Triforce, some random living gods, surrendering. Then this Dumer girl went to the Imperial City and fell in love with Tie-bird September. When Tie-Bird realized she was pregnant he decided to be a jerk again and was all like:

"Ain't nobody got time for children!" And forced an abortion and kicked the Dunmer out of the Imperial City.

So, Tie-bird got his best friend Zoolander Arctus to find a giant robot named Megatron or something just because. Zoolander learned somethings about the robot and Tie-bird decided to be a full-of-himself jerk again. He was all like:

"Cuz am soo speshul, I musht arctivert dis Megatron and kell all mah enmies wit it"

So he did. He called his pal Ysmir over, promising a guys night out with Zoolander so they could watch some football. Ysmir happily came in but was ruthlessly butchered by Imperial guards and Zoolander, but not without killing everyone. Tie-bird accused Zoolander of trying to kill him because he was jealous of his good looks, a two for one jerk move. He then used Ysmir's soul to power Megatron and killed everyone. Later, he promised the throne to his psyhotic children and because the Faedra thought that this man was utterly perfect, became a god called Toelost or something.

That's it for this episode, stay tuned for more Fishy on:'s!