User blog:CynicalEarth/A Soldier's Journal

17th of Last Seed, 4E 201.

I know Dad wouldn't approve, but it's only right. Skyrim is the birthplace of humanity. The birthplace of honour. We'll need its brave men and women in the upcoming war. Cap' seems convinced this is just the beginning. I think he's just paranoid; we'll finish those bastards quick and dirty. Then, I'll go home with my new armour and mom'll be proud of me.

19th of Last Seed, 4E 201.

My first deployement! Whiterun hold. I wonder if Camilla found a husband? It better not be Sven, woman shouldn't take a bard as husband. Faendal? Nah, she doesn't like elves. Elves. Damn elves, right? Think they're better than everyone just because they're better at magic. Didn't invade High Rock, didn't they?

I can't wait for my first battle! Mom and Dad'll be so proud of me!

20th of Last Seed, 4E 201.

Killed my first man, today. Still shaking. Stood still for a solid minute, before Cap' grabbed me by the arm. Can still see his face. He didn't even see me. Hjalti cut his arm off, then I just... sliced his head. Didn't even realize what I did until we were back at camp.

22nd of Last Seed, 4E 201.

Killed another, today. Captain says it gets easier, but it ain't. Tried hanging out with the others, even cooked. Nothing. Nightmares won't stop. I see it all over again: the arm, then the head. Then the guy gets up and tells me to follow him. Leads me to his wife and kids. Daughter's crying. Wife's looking at me, death in her eyes. Son walks up to me with a wooden sword. I ask him if he wants to be a soldier, then I turn around and see a headless ghost come chop my head off. Gotta tell somebody. Maybe write a letter to Mom.

24th of Last See, 4E 201.

First real battle. Captain says we did well. Easy for him to say, he's colder than Winterhold's wind. Hjalti got badly wounded, but healer patched him up. Leaving for some fort, tommorow. Hope Hjalti'll be okay by then.

30th of Hearthfire, 4E 201.

Been a while since I wrote in my journal. Been so busy. Got a promotion, yesterday! Went down the stairs to hold 'em off while Cap and Hjalti cleaned the room. Killed another four, all by myself. Cap said that's how true Nords fight. Just hope Dad's thinking the same thing.

8th of Sun's Dusk, 4E 201.

We're almost ready to finish this war. Camping just outside the city. Hjalti talked about this one time, where I swimmed in the river and covered myself in grass and wheat so I'd look like a Spriggan. He didn't even rat me out when Dad saw us. Kept talking while I got cleaned up. Hjalti is the brother I never had.

9th of Sun's Dusk, 4E 201.

Took the city. Rebellion's over. Most of 'em are gone into the forest. Cap said they'd probably try a guerilla war. He didn't make it out. Hjalti's dead, too. Uther, Brunwuulf, Jon--they're all dead. Barely made it out myself, if it wasn't for Addelaine. She ain't a Nord, but we don't really care. She's pretty, too. I keep looking at her. Those pefect hips, some strong legs and those eyes... Dibella herself couldn't measure up to Addelaine.

1st of Morning Star, 4E 202.

Finally got to go home. Brought Addelaine with me. She doesn't know, yet, about how I feel for her. Met one of those Khajiit on the way. We saw a boy, maybe six or seven, wandering in the woods with a friend. A pack of wolves appeared and was about to unsheat my sword, but Khajiit swopped in and put both of them down. We kept walking, when we heard screaming and howling. Went to investigate and saw both of those kids. Clothes were bloodied and they had scars all over.

Better not be that cat or I'll turn him into a carpet.

18th of Morning Star, 4E 202.

It'll be nearly six months since I killed my first man, and I'm still having nightmares about it. Same thing every time. Takes me a moment to realize where I am. Takes another for the world to stop spinning. I wake up and I'm all drenched in sweat and disoriented. I get up and get a glass of water, then I can't sleep.

Captain said it'd get easier. I'm starting to think he lied to me. It just keeps getting harder.