User blog:ManlikeCrawdad/They Needed Killin'

There are a few NPCs in Skyrim who, in my opinion, need killin'. Their snotty attitudes and nasty remarks as you walk by would be easy enough to bear, I suppose, if they went about their business afterward, but no. They have to keep talking trash every freakin' time.

On my Better Off Dead list:

Nazeem. This smugly superior jerk in Whiterun asks you if you've visit the Cloud District, and then says "What am I saying? Of course you don't." He says this every time I pass by. Every. Freakin'. Time.

Taarie and Endarie. This condescending pair of fashionistas treats passers-by to criticism that is completely uncalled-for. "If you're going to the Blue Palace, I'd rethink your clothes." Yeah? Well, rethink this, bee-otches!!1!"

Ancano. Yeah, I know. He's not long for this world anyway. "I have many things on my mind; your concerns are not among them." But this dismissive, arrogant twit should be a special NPC, one that can be revived and killed again and again. And again. After that, the player should be able to trade his ashes for a dog. And then shoot the dog.

Iona. So, she's a housecarl/follower, right? Her dialogue is identical to that of Lydia's. So why can't Iona sound as earnest and respectful? Her lines are all delivered a bit too stridently, as if she's forcing herself to say them. Plus, there's that stink-eye she gives me every time she's talking to me.

Aerin. Okay, so he's got a major thing for Mjoll. I get that. And I know why he follows her around, even after she's married to someone else. Some time in the past, Mjoll felt sorry for him and threw a little mercy McLovin at him. Now he shadows her every move like a restraining order looking for a spot marked X. This guy just creeps me out.

Those are all the Better Off Dead I can think of right now, but you can rest assured I'll have more to add, and soon.