User blog:4. 1. 22. 5. M97/Blog Critic: Fishy on: The Imperial Simulacrum

Sorry for the massive delay everyone. Work's been a b*tch, but no more so than having to read Fishy's blogs again, and I mean that in both positive and negative ways. Anyway, here we return to the second installment of the...bum bum BUUUUUM, The Fishy Opera, to see what other sort of antics Fishy has been up too. The title says it all, the Imperial something. Let's begin. Remember viewers, normal text is mine, bold is the others blog and while I will try to make at least mildly intelligent comments about the blog itself to appease the stick-up-the-butt-about-blog-regulations crowd, keep in mind that these blogs are not really serious and therefore will not draw a very serious review in return, because making fun of someone who's just trying to make people laugh is just mean.

'''You know that one game no one plays? Arena? Yeah, this is what happened in that game.'''

So, this guy named Jagger Yarn was taking a walk when he was like.

"Am tyerd off meh jab az a prest-maje in Carmlawn. I got da mooves liek Jagger, I shud becum eperer."

'''Jagger got in his car and drove to Mournhold whilst blasting vulgar rap music through his radio and pulled over next to Barenziah, who was shopping at the time. He rolled down his windows, and winked at Barenziah while giving her a winning smile. He then opened the door and stepped out on the street. Everyone in Mournhold surrounded him and they all instantly broke into dance, Jagger Yarn singing "I got the moves like Jagger" to her. Barenziah was instantly wooed and jumped into the car with him, and they drove off into the sunset. Barenziah was like:'''

"Jagger, I luv u. Ez thr nytheng I ken do fer u?"

Don't forget to take a moment to enjoy that Fishy vocabulary and grammar structure while your brain cells are commiting scuicide one by one. What can I really say about this opening? It's got Fishy all over it, and it's what the people love. And I agree with his statement that not a lot of people play Arena. Not a whole lot of people played Daggerfall either. Of course, the dialogue of the characters is Derp speak, the common tongue of the internet idiot, which makes up the majority of the people on the web, so Fishy made a smart move writing it this way. Plus Moves Like Jagger is a guilty pleasure song of mine. I kind of forgot who Barenziah was though as a character. That's not a comment against the blog, I was just making note of it. Is it that f*ckhead who makes you find her stones all over Skyrim? F*ck those things, and f*ck the repetitiveness of Skyrim in general! However, I'm not Madman97, so we'll leave those dealings with him. If you havn't guessed yet, Fishy takes the story of an Elder Scrolls variety and warps to match his sick needs, that dirty pond scum, so if you're at least familiar with the Elder Scrolls story for all the games, you will be able to follow along. Just don't expect to learn something by the time the blog is done. Let's move on.

 Jagger then said,

"O ya. Tll meh wer old mernhald ez. I ned 2 pek up mah aunt hoo leves ther."

'''Barenziah decided to tell him and they both made it there. Barenziah then asked,'''

"Jagger, doo u luv meh 4evr?"

Jagger responded,

"No, fuk of Breziah."

Barenziah broke into tears and ran into the streets, where she was struck by a flying ice cream truck and died.

'''Jagger approached her corpse, sobbed and whispered. "I men 2 sae I luv u 5evr." For he truly loved her. In her memory, he decided to take revenge on the one who was driving the truck. Urinal September. He found the Seven Chaos Emeralds and vanished.'''

'''Years later, Jagger applied for a job as Urinal's entertainer, and instantly got hired once Urinal heard him sing "I got the moves like Jagger." '''

What I always found fascinating about Fishy's blogs is just how dark a turn they can get. Truly, death by flying ice cream truck is an awful way to go, but it must be done for the integrity of the story. Because it is established pretty early on that Jagger Tharn is a pretty huge douche. Poor Breziah-F*ck, now he's got me micing up the names now. That's the problem with these blogs! They take the names and make you see what Fishy had changed them into every time you pass the character NPC. For example, I played Skyrim for like the first time in two months a couple weeks ago, and when I passed Ulfric Stormcloak, I could not stop thinking about how much crack he was on when he murdered the high king. I suppose that's a rather good thing that the blog sticks with you after you're done, making people come back. I do think Fishy figured out the formula for a successful blog series. Plus comedy always attracts people, because stupid or smart, it's kind of easy to be funny on the internet. Chaos Emeralds, hah...Has anyone ever played Shadow the Hedgehog? It had the most metal opening of all time.

'''One day, Jagger asked Urinal if he could do a backflip. Urinal had to defend his ego and said.'''

"Ya rly."

'''Unknowing of the fact that there was a portal to Oblivion behind him, Urinal did a backflip straight into it and Jagger closed it. Jagger then put on some make-up and impersonated Urinal September for years.'''

'''One day, some random guy decided to gather the chaos emeralds, which were scattered across the provinces, and use them to stop Jagger. In the final battle, Jagger struck the random hero down and got ready to impale him, when suddenly, a heartbroken, undead Barenziah came crashing through the ceiling in a flying ice cream truck. Jagger turned around, and the last thing he saw was Barenziah's terrifying face before being ran over by her. The hero got up and wanted to thank Barenziah, but she turned him into a zombie instead.'''

'''Well, that's that. Stay tuned for more Fishy on's!'''

Oh, and they forgot Urinal in Oblivion.

So, Fishy wraps up his story the only way he can, with building up something that could be funny, turn out not to be funny, but pulls itself back from the brink with a funny closing line, and you know what? I'm ok with that. And I think I am ready to give the final verdict.

The verdic is! (Drum roll please)

...

Very Good!

Final word: When it comes down to it, it doesn't matter if a lot of the stuff in Fishy's blog is stupid and shallow. For every bad joke that's as unfunny as modern-day Saturday Night Live, there is a good one akin to that one golden insult you hear on Saturday Night Roasts of different comedy stars that makes you howl with laughter...Maybe that's exaggerating, since the most Fishy got outta me was a little chuckle here and there, but that's not the point. It can be funny! It's not as if the entire thing is one big mess. People wouldn't keep coming back to it if it wasn't funny, and it is expressed in the comments that people usually enjoy these things, and that's a good thing making people laugh, making these blogs one of the last remaining few you can always count on to be good. When I reviewed the last one, I havn't read enough of Fishy's blogs and therefore didn't understand the point behind them well enough to give it a positive rating, though Average is my third highest rating, while Very Good is my second highest. I have yet to give a blog a perfect rating yet, but I hope the day comes soon. But after reading another Fishy blog, I have come to appreciate the dumb comedy he brings to the table for us to enjoy, earning him a place at the Very Good table anytime, one only one other person I reviewed shares. Do me a favor Fishy and keep making these things. When it comes down to it, besides myself and maybe Madman97, you're the only one keeping the blog section alive. Blog Critic out.