User blog comment:Rukathesoldier/Journal of Fenris Shield-Render part 2/@comment-11296535-20140808180021/@comment-11296535-20140809042151

Well, you could try describing things more.

"As I walked the next hallway I heard a voice. I followed the sound of the voice into a room filled with spiderwebs. A huge frostbite spider dropped down from the ceiling. I yelled as I rushed into battle. The spider ran in fear. It tried to escape but failed."

Could be rewritten as.

"I walked down the next hallway, hearing a voice deeper within the ruins. Following it, I found my self inside a small room, filled with spider webs and eggs. Suddenly, a gigantic frostbite spider dropped from the ceiling. Yelling, I charged the spider. It tired to escape, but it could not leave the room before my sword pierced its body."