User blog:Blood Reaper/God Damn Lydia

Time to tell you a little story that happened to me yesterday. Summary of the story- Lydia is Stupid. So let's start off my story as me wandering in Whiterun. *cough* Lets start....

It was a rainy and dark day, The city of Whiterun was recently attacked  Stormcloaks,  Three dragons, and the Silver-Blood. Every God damn guard says " I used to be an adventurer like you once, till I took an arrow to the knee " Yet they can manage to be shot with 20 arrows to the head and kill a dragon. My mind was puzzled at the logic here in Whiterun, What could be worse? One word.....Lydia. Recently coming home from my adventures I automatically go to my Summer Breeze Home to meet my wonderful wife. I am happly greeted by her and I suddenly have a great feeling inside.

I go into my bedroom and all I see is lydia and her fully equipped Steel armor. The odd thing was that Lydia seems to spend 3 god damn hours eating ONE piece of bread and she likes to sit and stand up every 2 seconds. As tedious as she is She's also a good companion ( Thats what I THOUGHT at first ). I told her to follow me since Im going to finally meet the Last Dragon Priest so I can complete my collection. Little did I know......Lydia destroyed everything.....

As I go into the dungeon full of Draugrs and Puzzles I had a strange feeling inside. I contine onward on my adventures. Avoiding the perilous traps I managed to go into this one room full of Draugrs. Lydia's initial thought was " I CAN TAKE THESE GOD DAMN DRAUGRS "... My initial thought was " Okay.......Im just gonna let Lydia be the bait and I run like hell ". As I run away I can hear Lydia's sword swinging through the 6 Draugrs in the area. I decided to just storm the whole place and skip everything there. 10 minutes later I found myself being chased by 17 undead nords and 2 skeevers and I havent yet found Lydia. I was guessing she was dead so I just decided to keep sprinting.

As I sprint forward I Can see a figure in the distance.....it was lydia. Now heres where everything turns to shit. Lydia decides to BLOCK the doorway when I have 17 Draugrs chasing me. I have little health and no potions in my inventory and Lydia's thought was to block the only way out of here, I was fucked.... But by a sheer miracle she moved. I sprinted over and I see a little trap where I Can kill all those Draugrs. I leap forward and turn around.

All I see is lydia chasing after the Draugr in excitement but she was right near the trap and the Draugrs could easily fall in if I do FUS RO DAH. Would I sacrifice my only companion whos been helping me through the whole dungeon and saving my skin this whole time? Of course I would my character is an asshole. I do the                     " Unrelenting Force " Shout and trap Both Lydia and those Draugrs. I finally leave the area and meet my objective. Kill the Dragon Priest..

I finally walk forward and patiently waited for the fight. After 5 minutes with the Dragon Priest I was nearly dead. My reaction was to get the hell out but what do I see blocking the damn Doorway again? Lydia....... Karma is a bitch aint it? I Scream at the screen by my own fear of death " GET THE HELL OUT LYDIA! GO BACK TO THE KITCHEN YOU ASS " But she wouldnt move, I didnt have time to her to move so the only way out of this was to kill her. So I did....I finally leave the area so I Can return one day to kill the Dragon priest.

I leave the area and go back my whiterun home and as usual I get greeted by my wife....but once I get upstairs I see Lydia.....eating her god damn bread. Is Lydia God? How did she survive? I couldnt answer any of these questions myself. But moral of the story? Lydia is a dumb bitch