Board Thread:Roleplaying/@comment-16047389-20140226184337/@comment-16047389-20140313210918

Ulfgar knew there was one surefire way to wake up his zealous brother.

''"Talos kisses elven behind" says Ulfgar. But Heimskr doesn't even flinch. Ulfgar opens the cell door, and head in to poke the man with a stick, determined to get his attention. He puts the stick right up to the man's face and th-''

WWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARFFFFF!

''Ulfgar trips over himself trying to run back so fast. That sound clearly wasn't human. And now that the man is standing up and facing Ulfgar, he can say that the noise isn't the only thing inhuman. The startled Ulfgar stares up at the man with the face of a Horker! But as if things couldn't get strange enough already, the Horker-Man begins to laugh at Ulfgar's startled appearance.''

''"You mortals are just too easy!" says the Horker-Man. "You should see the look on your face. No wait! I'll show you!"''

''Suddenly the Horker face is replaced by Ulfgar's, mirroing the exact terrified look of shock as the original. The man then bursts out into laughter, as he begins changing once more. This time, however, it is more than just his face. His whole body, as well as his clothes, begins shifting and contorting into a new form. When it is done, before Ulfgar stands a man with gray hair, a beard, pupiless white eyes, and wearing an odd shirt that is purple on one half and orange on the other. The man speaks to Ulfgar while grinning from ear to ear.''

''"Sheogorath," the man introduces himself. "Daedric Prince of Madness, Ruler of the Shivering Isles, and quite a snappy dresser, if I do say so myself. And I do. You've done me well, you have."''

''"Me? What did I do?" Ulfgar asks, as he begins getting up off the ground. ''

"Don't interrupt me, mortal! Can't you see I'm trying to have a decent converstation?! Really, what nerve!"

''Ulfgar is confused by this, but the truth of the matter is quite clear. He's not talking to Ulfgar. He's talking through Ulfgar...to you.''

"Trying to seduce random men at a tavern? Shining a Jarl's shoes to establish dominance?! Starting a revolution armed with only BEEF?!? Haha! You've made me proud, bringing this much madness into the world. But now, I have a special job for you, but I'm not going to tell you what it is! Guessing is half the fun after all! Succeed, and be rewarded. Fail, and I'll stick you in the body of a mamoth dung pile for all eternity. But no pressure."

''In the blink of an eye, the Mad God disappears. Ulfgar feels strange all of a sudden. As if his mind is suddenly...quieter. Suddenly, a voice comes from the end of the hall.''

''"Ulfgar! Is that you brother?!" It was Heimskr! The real Heimskr! Ulfgar heads off to free his brother, slowly forgetting everything that had just transpired.''

''Several months later, Ulfgar returns to his post in a rebuilt Markarth, after a joint offensive by the Stormcloaks and Imperial Legion had forced the Thalmor out. Heimskr returned to Whiterun, continuing his sermons. All had returned to their proper order. This is the end of Ulfgar's story. But the Voices live on...''