User blog:Daniel Valentine/Curb your Skyrim.

So after a long day of killing bandits I decided to go home and drink some ale with my wife. As I go to the kitchen to get the ale I find out my ale is missing. An argument ensues one that I cannot win because she's my wife and she's always right. So I say f-it I'll be the good samaritan and report this to a guard. When I find a guard he starts going on about someone stealing my sweet roll and I say "no you idiot my ale." Then he says he took an arrow to the knee, so I say "I don't care about your knees I took a arrow to the face you don't hear me complaining." Long story short he fails to acknowledge my complaint so I punch him in the face. Apparently it's a crime to hit a useless guard who says he will help you for being dragonborn then refuses. A large fight ensues where I start swinging my blades killing anything until some idiot whose name escapes me so I'll call her Erikur's sister since she's to lazy to make a name for herself won't die. Why is she essential and not me Tamriel will never know the truth. After not being able to figure out why I make my exit and go to Windhelm to offload some goods. While in the market of the Stone Quarter in Windhelm Oengul starts talking crap about me killing Ulfric Stormcloak and so does Hermir so I punch both of them in the face. Apparrently it's a crime to stick up for yourself against Stormcloak supporters and yet another bloody battle ensues which somehow these imperials never heard of self defense. Anyways I make my out of Windhelm once again dodging useless essential characters whom I won't name because there's too many. I'm now wanted in two holds that I saved from total destruction all over a misunderstanding. I make my way to Whiterun to buy some grand soul gems, while in Dragonsreach one of the Jarls brat starts talking crap about licking his father's boots so I punch the kid in the face and tell him to watch his GD mouth. Once again a fight ensues where I'm forced to defend myself after I strike down the Jarl's housecarl I realize more useless essential characters so I make my way out of Whiterun killing everything in sight and end up in Riverwood. I get to Riverwood and low and behold a dragon attacks which couldn't have had better timing. While killing the dragon I accidently kill a chicken. I try to plead my case saying "I'll buy you a new chicken," but they wouldn't hear any of it and once again I'm forced to defend myself. So I make my way to Markarth to have a drink at the Silver-blood Inn. While in the Tavern I try to make sense of what just happened until some drunk tries to pick a fight with me. I take him on and while fighting some civilian decides to walk in the middle of our fight and I accidently punch him. Apparently punching some idiot that walks in the middle of a fight is a crime and suprise suprise I am forced to defend myself once again. So now a wanted man in four holds over a misunderstanding I make my way to Riftwood. While at Riftwood I decide to visit my good buddies in the Thieves Guild to see if they will help lift the bounty on my head. So as I'm walking I bump into quite possibly the dumbest milk drinker named Dirge (who names themselves "dirge" by the way?) Anyways he starts running his mouth and right now at this point I don't care so I beat him into submission. As I'm walking away he cheapshots me from behind so I'm forced to kill him. When I talk to Vekel about getting a drink he tells me to talk to Vex about some blood price. So I go talk to Vex and she scolds me for what seem like an eternity, ignoring the fact that I single handedly put the thieves guild back on their feet and back on the map. She also made it seem like 1000 septims was a lot of money. I got tired of her constant nagging and struck her down where she stood, but low and behold she got right back up. So I go to Brynjolf since me being the Guild master dosn't really mean anything who would of thunk it? I talk to Brynjolf and he says go talk to Vex so I say F-it and kill almost everyone in the guild(besides the essential a-holes.) I figure now they're my enemies I'll tell Maven to do away with them since they no longer serve a purpose. When I get to Maven the only thing she says is "My title is just a formality. I've always been in charge around here". So I talk to Hemming, but he's as useless as a 5th wheel on a wagon. So I walk away and bump into Maul the housecarl talking crap and you guessed a bloddy battle ensued which totally I obliterated anything that was not essential which was only half the population. I make my way to Sky Haven Temple making a rest stop at Nightingale Hall to deal with a dunmer I have absolutly no respect for Karliah. For some reason she is also essential that's a real nogin scratcher, but not a suprise. When I get to Sky Haven Temple for some reason all they want me to do is kill Paarthurnax for their own political gains which I do not support resurrecting a useless faction that was destroyed by the Thalmor. So I FUS RO DAH these two degenerates out of Sky Haven Temple. As I'm leaving I see these two enter Sky Haven ready to fight leaving me to believe they're also essential should of guessed that one. So now I go to my very first hideout the only safe spot for me which is the Alchemist Shack. As I rest there the truth dawned on me. I realize that I was the one who drank the last of my ale and I was suppose to pick up some White-Gold Tower and Cliff Racer from the Bee and Barb. As the truth sank in I could of sworn I heard frolic being played and my only thought was whoops...Curb your Skyrim The Frolic Effect!

I guess what I'm trying to say in the story is what are your thoughts on all these essential characters and the wacky laws? I was bored so I wrote this which actually did happen to me, most of it.