Board Thread:Roleplaying/@comment-16047389-20140226184337/@comment-16047389-20140306144707

"So how do we proceed from here?" asks one of the rebels. "Should we commandeer the blacksmith to supply us with weapons?"

"No," responds Ulfgar. "That's too obvious." If they were to defeat their enemies, the people of Markarth would have to be more unpredictable. They couldn't afford to do something the Thalmor would predict. Not with so much at stake. Wait...stake? No! Steak! That's it! With his newfound inspiration, Ulfgar immediately dispatches the rebels to fetch Hogni Red-Arm. On their return, with Red-Arm in company, Ulfgar addresses the butcher.

"Hogni Red-Arm. Your people require your services."

"I don't understand. What could I possibly offer you?" asks Red-Arm, confused.

"Weapons." Ulfgar responds.

Hogni exchanges looks with the confused crowd. "I have an axe on the table at my house, but I am just a simple butcher. The only thing I have in abundance is meat."

"Exactly."

Five hours later, the entire rebellion has been armed with clubs fashioned of raw beef. At least half of the clubs had to be replaced due to the wielder mistaking their deadly weapon for lunch. Once preparations have been completed, Ulfgar addresses the crowd.

"We shall surround Understone Keep, and drive out the Thalmor! Do not hesitate for a moment! Our enemy is crafty, and armed with powerful magicks. Do not stop until their skulls are as bloody as your weapon! Trust in your weapon as you would in Kyne herself! Today, we take back our homes!"

Once the crowd reaches Understone Keep, they see the Thalmor prepared and ready. At least, they were. Until they saw what their enemies were armed with that is. Half the Thalmor burst out laughing on the spot. The others had to pinch themselves to make sure they weren't dreaming. It was obvious none of them took the situation seriously. They weren't ready for the attack.

"CHARGE!!!"

The rebels charged the Thalmor brigade, their fierce clubs raised to the skies. It took a few seconds for the Thalmor soldiers to snap back to reality and realize they were now under attack. In the hands of weaker, more untrained hands, the raw beef would have proved quite useless. But the natural strength of the Nords, as well as the staggering numbers of the rebels, tipped the balance. The Thalmor fired spell after spell, but hadn't considered that beef could also double as a shield against their magic. Fire just made the clubbing burn, and frost merely made them more solid and heavy. The Thalmor had never encountered tactics this unconventional. And that would be their undoing. Many rebels fell in the attack, but the Thalmor were overwhelmed. A few lucky elves managed to flee past the attackers and out the main gate, but most were brutally clubbed to death by beef. On this day, victory belonged to the rebels. There was a roar of triumph across the rebels.