This is a post full of Elder Scrolls zingers, knucklewhackers, kneeslappers, dinglewomples, and fiddlywinkers for your every day joke-telling needs. Need to rizz up the out-of-shape Aela cosplayer at comic-con? Need to talk down your wife after she caught you cheating with an out-of-shape Aela cosplayer from comic-con? Or perhaps you're trying to go for the Guinness world record for World's Funniest Man? Look no further.

If you wish to add to the collective Tamriel-flavored humor database, share your Aurbic jokes below in the comments.

Remember: the funniest jokes are those that break wiki guidelines so prepare to be punished if you got a good one.

1. What did the Imperial Watch captain do at the Imperial Orgy?

He had Heironymus Sex.

2. How did Mannimarco defeat Galerion?

Because Mannimarco is stronger than a just one Marco

3. What was Tamriel's favorite beverage during the Third Empire?

Titus Mead.

4. What made Potema look like such an emo skank?

She had a Septim piercing.

5. Please help I'm being held against my will and forced to make terrible Elder Scrolls jokes

This is not a joke.

6. What do you call a way-funnier slaughterfish without an 's'?

A slaughterfih.

7. Why do Kahjiit come in so many shapes and sizes?

Because it makes no Senche.

9. Why did the adventurer never return to the Nordic Crypt?

It was unBarrowble.

10. 🫵

Anthromorphic repltile logic makes no sense

In Skyrim I side with Meridia and Azura but are all of them beyond the concept of good and evil.

I don’t consider Malacath evil because of how he responds to the troubles of the Orcs.

Both are known to involve themselves in deceit and betrayal, to a morbid degree. Why do the Dunmer consider them "good" while princes such as Meridia are not worshipped by them?

I wonder is this part of the plot and script towards the High Elves because I put them in the same category as the Nazis.

I played Skyrim and it makes me want for this race to be wiped out like vermin.

Based on the lore and such, being a dragonborn is more of a genetic thing. As long as one parent is a dragonborn then the kid(s) will be dragonborn.

But, from my knowledge, none of the heirs of the septum dynasty procreated. Do you think Akatosh saw the dragonborn in the cart or being born and was like "Hmmm, yes this one" and boom, or do you think that the dragonborn came from the dynasty?

I could be missing part of the lore, or maybe its just up to interpretation but In my Au I did make it so my hero of Kvatch Oc did have a kid with Martin (Back when he worshiped sanguine) and she did have a few more with a few other people because why not, and my 1st dragonborn oc (A female Nord) came from that, and her companion (who is a male Altmer) kinda just randomly became one.

How did your characters become dragonborn, or hasn't anyone thought of that so far :P And I do know the history to some degree.

While I'm aware necromancy is a sin against Arkay according to the Ten Commands, what about summoning Daedra?

The Commands don't say anything about it, but Julianos seems to be the patron of learning and wisdom and is often associated with magecraft. Is there any indicator of an extent to this?

Like Elder Scrolls, the Disney animated show Amphibia revolves around an ancient prophecy of heroes defeating a great evil. But in the final episode, we learn that the prophecy is more of a solemn request then something determined by fate. And long story short, in that show, there is a way for those of whom the prophecy speaks up to decline the request.

This reminds me of how the titular Elder Scrolls work. As we all know, the Scrolls foretell every great evil. And also foretell that a hero will come to face it. But the Scrolls DON'T say if that hero will be victorious or if they will even go on the quest. And this makes me wonder, what if the Prophecy of the Naravarine, the Dragonborn Prophecy, and the prophecies of the other heroes were actually more like solemn requests then fate? In terms of gameplay, we can ignore these prophecies by ignoring the main story. But how would this translate into ES lore itself if it was decided to reveal that every main quest foretold in the Scrolls are actually more like requests for help then something determined by fate?

Which character from Elder Scrolls is most underrated in your opinion?

For me, it's either Captain Veleth or Florentius Baenius

Share some headcanons that you have. It can be as small and specific as you want it to be.

What's up with that? Like their lore and why only 1 character ever says anything about them.

There are quite a few sources in lore that claim dragons were originally from Akavir. I suppose this means they were created by Akatosh/Auri-El and placed there initially. Since Alduin is the first dragon created, this means that Akavir is his homeland.

So my question is why did Alduin choose Tamriel as his main venue for domination?

This will be my last post today.

Would you say there was a complete separation of church and state during the Septim Dynasty? What about the Mede Dynasty before the enforced banning of Talos worship became a part of Imperial politics?

Sharing my interpretation of what Tamriel looked like when Titus Mede ended the Stormcrown Interregnum.

I immediately thought of Alduin when I saw this. Thoughts?

Bottom text ig