Now listen here you mutton-head! I've told that lot of ill trained whelps you call soldiers time and again about tracking in mud all over the fort and what do I find all over the mess hall? The biggest mud pile I have ever seen! I want you to order them to wipe their feet off on the hay before tromping in. That's what it's there for!
Oh and another thing! Those bear traps you gave me for the skeevers in the cellar? Useless! I've had those down there for weeks and caught only one of them and the rest keep coming back. Get some of your 'men' down there to clear them out.
Unless of course you like finding skeever hair in your dinner, because I can always stop picking it out for you.