Imperial Secretary Jirolin Arius,
Dear brother, why am I being punished? What did I do that was so terrible that they decided to ship me off to this gods' forsaken mud pit? It was because I refused the advances of General Menanius, wasn't it? I knew I should have just shut my eyes and let her have her way! But no, I had standards. Self respect. Now look at me! I'm covered in mud and sweat, and I'll never get this smell out of my hair!
Did I mention how much I hate it here? We can't even get a good battle going because the damn lizards don't fight like regular people! They cheat! We've never fought an enemy like these sap-sucking Argonians!
So, dear brother, what would I have to give you to get you to drop a few hints on behalf of your loving sister? If you could happen to mention to the general that I'd probably be inclined to spend some time with her the next time I'm back in Imperial City, I'd owe you more than you could ever imagine. I'll give you anything if you can get me out of this damn swamp!
Captain Millona Arius, Fourth Legion 17th Second Seed, 1E 2812