• 00:45:43: Qahnaarin1997: Hello.
  • 00:45:55: The Crusader of Truth: hi
  • 01:29:34: The Crusader of Truth: wb
  • 01:35:42: Qahnaarin1997: What's up?
  • 01:38:39: The Crusader of Truth: Eh
  • 01:38:42: The Crusader of Truth: Life sucks
  • 01:38:43: The Crusader of Truth: You?
  • 01:40:33: Qahnaarin1997: Emo
  • 01:40:54: Qahnaarin1997: Me, I am just scrapping every scrappable item in Sanctuary Hills
  • 01:41:05: Qahnaarin1997: Doing a fresh start in FO4 with no mods
  • 01:45:08: The Crusader of Truth: I would play it but eh my PC can barely handle it
  • 01:45:22: The Crusader of Truth: What you should play tho
  • 01:45:26: The Crusader of Truth: Dwarf Fortress
  • 01:45:45: The Crusader of Truth: It is very dank
  • 01:46:43: RenzXVI: I got sidetracked by "They Are Billions" so I neglected Dwarf Fortress.
  • 01:46:53: RenzXVI: I was very confused though when I started it. XD
  • 01:47:05: The Crusader of Truth: Dwarf Fortress is kinda daunting
  • 01:47:26: The Crusader of Truth: But it's really fun once you know what you're doing
  • 01:47:30: The Crusader of Truth: ...which I still don't
  • 01:47:33: RenzXVI: Lol
  • 01:47:51: RenzXVI: I just hope it's not as hard as Rimworld.
  • 01:48:08: RenzXVI: I know it's very popular because of how immersive it is.
  • 01:48:18: RenzXVI: It has the most features out of all similar games.
  • 01:48:33: Qahnaarin1997: I only play games with a 9.5 dankness or higher
  • 01:48:36: The Crusader of Truth: Um
  • 01:48:42: The Crusader of Truth: Definitely harder than Rimworld
  • 01:48:46: RenzXVI: Lol
  • 01:48:49: The Crusader of Truth: Just because of the detail lmao
  • 01:49:02: RenzXVI: BY harder, I meant nothing spontaneously kills you?
  • 01:49:17: The Crusader of Truth: Nothing has spontaneously killed me
  • 01:49:24: RenzXVI: Good.
  • 01:49:39: The Crusader of Truth: But I also haven't had a fortress last more than a year to kill me too sooo
  • 01:49:40: RenzXVI: I am traumatized by those overpowered aliens nesting in the middle of my base.
  • 01:49:46: RenzXVI: lol
  • 01:50:37: The Crusader of Truth: Solution for alien nests: dont build under a mountain
  • 01:50:41: RenzXVI: You might like "They Are Billions" it's colony survival too but zombie apocalypse mixed with Real Time Strategy games (like Warcraft, Starcraft, Red Alert)
  • 01:50:54: Qahnaarin1997: Crus
  • 01:51:03: RenzXVI: The Crusader of Truth, I thought everyone build under a mountain in Rimworld? XD
  • 01:51:04: Qahnaarin1997: What's Dwarffortress' dank rating?
  • 01:51:18: The Crusader of Truth: @Qah I have no clue
  • 01:51:22: The Crusader of Truth: @Renz No xD
  • 01:51:41: The Crusader of Truth: It is a horrible idea to dig completely into a mountain for a base xD
  • 01:51:55: RenzXVI: Why? My only problem was the aliens.
  • 01:52:12: The Crusader of Truth: Aliens are the problem
  • 01:52:16: The Crusader of Truth: Aliens and fires
  • 01:52:16: RenzXVI: Lol
  • 01:52:29: RenzXVI: Oh, with fire, I had more problem with those outdoors.
  • 01:52:37: The Crusader of Truth: Mountain rooms can hit 3000F by a fire, if anything catches indoors
  • 01:52:44: The Crusader of Truth: Which as you can guess is a problem
  • 01:52:57: RenzXVI: Oh, well, I never really had indoor fires.
  • 01:52:58: Qahnaarin1997: Just don't let the facehuggers on your face and stay away from their blood and you're fine.
  • 01:53:22: RenzXVI: But my crops outdoors always got hit by lightning.
  • 01:53:52: The Crusader of Truth: lmao welcome to the party
  • 01:54:10: The Crusader of Truth: Lightning in RimWorld is like a top class bitch
  • 01:54:56: RenzXVI: It was my reason why I preferred being inside mountains. XD
  • 01:55:08: RenzXVI: I guess something is always supposed to kill you then.
  • 01:55:21: The Crusader of Truth: Pretty much
  • 01:55:30: The Crusader of Truth: Dwarf Fortress is made the same way
  • 01:55:41: The Crusader of Truth: If you learn both games enough you can basically survive forever though
  • 01:55:51: RenzXVI: Look up "They Are Billions" it seems like you'd like it because it's another game designed to kill you.
  • 01:56:24: The Crusader of Truth: Actually, taking that back, unless you find one of the ways to 'win' in Dwarf Fortress, eventually your save will either break or a horde will kill you if you play long enough
  • 01:56:30: The Crusader of Truth: And ok
  • 01:56:42: RenzXVI: brb
  • 02:00:34: The Crusader of Truth: Trailer seems ok, going to watch a letsplay on it
  • 02:07:37: The Crusader of Truth: Seems okay I guess
  • 02:07:41: The Crusader of Truth: o/
  • 02:07:47: ShawnCognitionCP: o/
  • 02:07:51: The Crusader of Truth: My computer could not handle that in a thousand years though
  • 02:08:15: ShawnCognitionCP: What genre are we speaking of?
  • 02:09:26: The Crusader of Truth: Stuff like DF and RimWorld
  • 02:10:08: ShawnCognitionCP: Base Building Strategy
  • 02:10:27: The Crusader of Truth: Pretty much
  • 02:10:35: ShawnCognitionCP: Age of Empires II?
  • 02:10:39: ShawnCognitionCP: /Age of Mythology?
  • 02:10:42: The Crusader of Truth: Dwarf Fortress is amazing once you start to learn how to play
  • 02:10:47: The Crusader of Truth: And those games are amazing tbh
  • 02:11:27: The Crusader of Truth: But I'm bias since Base Stat. are my favorites, except some sandbox games
  • 02:12:23: The Crusader of Truth: I remember getting Age of Mythology at about 6 or 7, I played it every day for 6 months straight
  • 02:12:38: The Crusader of Truth: I completely sucked at it but I still loved it
  • 02:13:53: ShawnCognitionCP: I loved the Greek theme of it. I hardly recall a thing, but that always grabbed me in my childhood.
  • 02:14:45: The Crusader of Truth: Yeah, me too actually. It's the reason why I love looking into Greek mythology today
  • 02:15:50: ShawnCognitionCP: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9tFPGTIr0Zw Greek folk made completely with ancient Greek instruments and played in a historically and culturally accurate style
  • 02:17:38: The Crusader of Truth: Now all they need is a sculptor carving out naked men in the background and its complete
  • 02:18:16: ShawnCognitionCP: If Greek sculptures have taught us everything, it's that every man in ancient Greece had both a six pack and a micropenis
  • 02:19:32: The Crusader of Truth: lmao the sculptors just wanted to feel better
  • 02:22:09: RenzXVI: Age of Empires was good, I liked the variety of it. But it sorta bored me for some reason.
  • 02:22:20: RenzXVI: Maybe I just prefer scifi/modern themes.
  • 02:23:45: The Crusader of Truth: I definitely prefer mostly medieval/mythological themes
  • 02:23:57: ShawnCognitionCP: Starcraft 2 is going to be free
  • 02:24:01: The Crusader of Truth: oshit?
  • 02:24:04: ShawnCognitionCP: No clue if you already have it, but same genre.
  • 02:24:34: The Crusader of Truth: I've never played it before, but I've definitely heard of it
  • 02:24:42: ShawnCognitionCP: It becomes free tomorrow, the 14th.
  • 02:26:31: The Crusader of Truth: By the way, has anyone watched Thor: Ragnarok?
  • 02:27:04: ShawnCognitionCP: http://us.battle.net/sc2/en/blog/21173629/starcraft-ii-going-free-to-play-explained-11-3-2017
  • 02:27:40: ShawnCognitionCP: I've heard bad things of it.
  • 02:27:46: ShawnCognitionCP: Not a super hero fan, really.
  • 02:29:22: The Crusader of Truth: I've really wanted to watch it, but the only copy I've found that seems to be in English is on Pirate Bay, and I'm too lazy to get it from there
  • 02:29:23: RenzXVI: I'll say it's way better than Thor: The Dark World which was garbage.
  • 02:29:55: RenzXVI: It would've been pretty good but the soundtrack and one more certain thing sorta put me off.
  • 02:31:50: RenzXVI: They sorta made it have a similar feel to Guardians of the Galaxy with the soundtrack and themes.
  • 02:32:58: ShawnCognitionCP: So every shot is either an overload of techno or neon lights.
  • 02:34:09: RenzXVI: Yeah, sort of. Lol
  • 02:35:12: The Crusader of Truth: I don't think you guys have seen any English copies online? I doubt it but gotta ask
  • 02:36:13: ShawnCognitionCP: I have never pirated anything in my life.
  • 02:37:03: RenzXVI: I have. XD
  • 02:37:12: RenzXVI: @ Crus
  • 02:37:53: ShawnCognitionCP: Well I technically ripped Neverwinter Nights
  • 02:38:03: ShawnCognitionCP: But that was because someone I knew already had it pirated
  • 02:38:08: ShawnCognitionCP: So I just said fuck it and copied everything
  • 02:39:21: The Crusader of Truth: lmao
  • 02:39:24: The Crusader of Truth: @Renz Where? xD
  • 02:44:32: RenzXVI: I liked the Command and Conquer games a lot. I don't remember any other EA thing that I liked.
  • 02:45:04: RenzXVI: Oh wait, Dragon Age was EA.
  • 02:45:33: ShawnCognitionCP: I don't know how I feel about Inquisition in retrospect.
  • 02:46:19: RenzXVI: I only liked DAO, I rage quit 2 then never tried anything else.
  • 02:46:25: ShawnCognitionCP: It was fun, but it was also bland, had nothing to do after beating it, had a bad story, a horribly easy final boss, shitty visuals and was stuffed with PC bullshit Bioware likes to endorse now.
  • 02:46:36: RenzXVI: Oh yeah, I also liked Left 4 Dead.
  • 02:46:48: ShawnCognitionCP: Neverwinter Nights era Bioware; The Kobold stabbed the baby, it's your fault, faggot
  • 02:47:01: The Crusader of Truth: Re[[]]nz, thanks for that link lol. It took like a solid 2 minutes to load but it looks like it works
  • 02:47:17: ShawnCognitionCP: Inquisition era Bioware; I know it's historical Europe-based fantasy, but this transexual character is better than you!!!
  • 02:48:33: The Crusader of Truth: I wish there were subtitles though. The audio is extremely shoddy
  • 02:48:48: RenzXVI: Yeah, that's always the problem.
  • 02:49:23: The Crusader of Truth: ///trans character is better than me///
  • 02:49:27: RenzXVI: Anyway, I am looking at a list of EA games and it looks like any gamer will end up playing a few EA games in their lifetime. Too many of their games are very popular
  • 02:50:07: The Crusader of Truth: Everyone is better than me tho?? Inquisition era Bioware seems to be correct
  • 02:50:12: RenzXVI: The Sims and the Sid Meier stuff.
  • 02:50:19: ShawnCognitionCP: The objectively best damage-dealer in Inquisition refuses to join you if you don't fully respect his transexual friend's gender identity
  • 02:50:23: ShawnCognitionCP: And it's like
  • 02:50:24: ShawnCognitionCP: Okay
  • 02:50:28: ShawnCognitionCP: But we're fucking warriors
  • 02:50:34: ShawnCognitionCP: And you're really going to be this much of a pussy
  • 02:50:50: ShawnCognitionCP: "The world may end, but you won't use their preferred pronouns!"
  • 02:50:52: ShawnCognitionCP: Nigga
  • 02:50:53: ShawnCognitionCP: there
  • 02:50:53: ShawnCognitionCP: is
  • 02:50:54: ShawnCognitionCP: a
  • 02:50:58: ShawnCognitionCP: genocide happening
  • 02:51:10: ShawnCognitionCP: And you were sent to help deal with the genocide
  • 02:51:33: ShawnCognitionCP: And you will not do your job and will make enemies with a king because of your dyke friend's pronouns
  • 02:51:38: ShawnCognitionCP: o k a y b i o w a r e
  • 02:51:48: The Crusader of Truth: seems realistic tho
  • 02:57:40: ShawnCognitionCP: I get political representation in games
  • 02:57:46: ShawnCognitionCP: I just want it to make sense tho
  • 02:58:24: ShawnCognitionCP: It's a big difference between some random guy refusing to help and a /fucking official life-trained soldier that was built from the ground up specifically for this task/
  • 03:02:20: KINMUNE: Hello there, Hawthidon!
  • 03:03:16: Hawthidon: Yo
  • 03:03:30: Hawthidon: Has anyone here played Dragon Age
  • 03:03:45: Hawthidon: Are they any good
  • 03:04:06: The Crusader of Truth: Back, laptop crashed. Shawn you've played it right?
  • 03:04:10: RenzXVI: It's my favorite RPG.
  • 03:04:13: ShawnCognitionCP: I played Inquisition 100%
  • 03:04:14: RenzXVI: THe first one.
  • 03:04:22: ShawnCognitionCP: I hear Origins (the first) is by far the best.
  • 03:04:24: ShawnCognitionCP: I played some of 2
  • 03:04:27: ShawnCognitionCP: It's boring
  • 03:04:34: Hawthidon: Well is Kingdoms OT Amalur any good
  • 03:04:38: Hawthidon: Of*
  • 03:04:41: ShawnCognitionCP: 100% that as well
  • 03:04:44: ShawnCognitionCP: It's very good
  • 03:04:44: RenzXVI: I literally rage quit 2 not even halfway because it was just bad.
  • 03:04:46: ShawnCognitionCP: The ending is horse shit
  • 03:04:52: ShawnCognitionCP: Everything else is good.
  • 03:04:53: Hawthidon: Hmm
  • 03:05:03: Hawthidon: I see.
  • 03:05:04: ShawnCognitionCP: Quick time event final boss.
  • 03:05:23: Hawthidon: I'm debating between Inquisition and Amalur
  • 03:05:26: ShawnCognitionCP: That's the issue with Kingdoms of Amalur: Reckoning.
  • 03:05:31: ShawnCognitionCP: Amalur has by far better combat.
  • 03:05:36: ShawnCognitionCP: And will keep you entertained longer.
  • 03:05:45: Hawthidon: I'm also getting eso
  • 03:05:47: ShawnCognitionCP: Amalur's main draw is a very refreshing combat system.
  • 03:05:54: Hawthidon: Shawm quick question
  • 03:06:19: Hawthidon: If I buy the gold edition and morrowind will those stack
  • 03:06:37: Hawthidon: On either Xbone or PS4
  • 03:06:53: ShawnCognitionCP: wat
  • 03:06:54: ShawnCognitionCP: Oh
  • 03:07:01: ShawnCognitionCP: ESO: Morrowind, not the game Morrowind
  • 03:07:06: Hawthidon: Ye
  • 03:07:16: Hawthidon: Will they?
  • 03:07:28: ShawnCognitionCP: Yeah, you have to buy Morrowind separately from the Gold Edition.
  • 03:07:35: Hawthidon: Alrighty
  • 03:07:53: Hawthidon: But is morrowind the base game also or just the dlc
  • 03:08:11: ShawnCognitionCP: It's an expansion.
  • 03:08:17: Hawthidon: Alright
  • 03:08:27: ShawnCognitionCP: Gold Edition is a bundle of ESO DLC. Morrowind is a full on expansion pack.
  • 03:09:17: Hawthidon: One last question. Is my username a good generic Even name for fantasies outside of TES, and in TES what elf race does it fit the most? Bosmer?
  • 03:09:24: Hawthidon: Elven*
  • 03:10:03: Hawthidon: Because I do like my characters having lore friendly names because OCD
  • 03:10:39: ShawnCognitionCP: It'd be a Bosmeri name more than anything else, outside of TES it depends (D&D elves use a completely different naming system than, say, LoTR elves).
  • 03:10:54: Hawthidon: Alright
  • 03:10:59: KINMUNE: Hello there, Kora Stormblade!
  • 03:11:12: ShawnCognitionCP: Hello, Kora.
  • 03:11:17: Kora Stormblade: hi shawn
  • 03:11:21: Hawthidon: So I guess I'll get Amalur
  • 03:11:23: ShawnCognitionCP: How are you?
  • 03:11:46: Kora Stormblade: ok, thank you. what about you?
  • 03:11:53: Hawthidon: Brb
  • 03:11:57: ShawnCognitionCP: I'm alright, thanks for asking.
  • 03:12:10: Kora Stormblade: that's good to hear
  • 03:12:20: Kora Stormblade: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RMJhKxPONBg&ab_channel=Verruckt89
  • 03:12:22: KINMUNE: Pink Floyd - Matilda Mother (Syd Barrett)
  • 03:12:45: ShawnCognitionCP: I'd say likewise, if "ok" wasn't a sub-normal term. Something you'd like to PM about, or miscommunication on my end?
  • 03:12:47: ShawnCognitionCP: That's a good one.
  • 03:13:00: KINMUNE: Hello there, Pulseman!
  • 03:13:22: The Crusader of Truth: Fucking laptop
  • 03:13:24: Pulseman: Word up
  • 03:13:31: Kora Stormblade: just been a bit worse these past few weeks but nothing that isn't irreversible, I appreciate your offer though
  • 03:13:34: Kora Stormblade: also hey crus o.
  • 03:13:34: Pulseman: Howzit
  • 03:13:36: The Crusader of Truth: Back for like the 3rd time o/
  • 03:13:59: ShawnCognitionCP: Anytime, hope it improves. If you need to vent I'm typically not unreachable.
  • 03:14:09: ShawnCognitionCP: What's causing it to crash?
  • 03:14:11: Pulseman: o/
  • 03:14:19: ShawnCognitionCP: Good, you, Pulseman?
  • 03:14:34: The Crusader of Truth: The battery is messed up, and whenever the charger comes out it immediately shuts off
  • 03:14:35: Pulseman: I'm solid I'm having a blast with Cuphead
  • 03:14:50: The Crusader of Truth: I just need a new battery literally thats all but my parents wont get one
  • 03:14:53: Pulseman: My old laptop had the same problem crusader
  • 03:15:02: Kora Stormblade: idk just a general feeling of loneliness and inability to feel much enjoyment, but I just got some new books in which are proving to be a bit helpful
  • 03:15:33: Pulseman: Does anyone here know what Cuphead is?
  • 03:15:41: Kora Stormblade: never heard of that
  • 03:16:06: Pulseman: It's a platformed that's very hard with a motif of 30s cartoons
  • 03:16:10: The Crusader of Truth: Yeah, after it became a taser and tried to kill me once I learned it was letting the full battery charge into my viens
  • 03:16:13: Pulseman: Platformer
  • 03:16:15: The Crusader of Truth: Pretty nice really
  • 03:16:22: ShawnCognitionCP: Certainly a depressive symptom. Have you been able to locate any root cause? Have you been socially active as of late and these feelings continue, wish to stay away from others but still feel the negativity of loneliness, et cetera?
  • 03:16:22: The Crusader of Truth: *veins
  • 03:16:39: Pulseman: It's great Kora
  • 03:16:40: ShawnCognitionCP: "after it became a taser"
  • 03:16:46: ShawnCognitionCP: fuckin cool
  • 03:16:49: Pulseman: I really recommend it
  • 03:16:59: The Crusader of Truth: I wish it killed me but eh gotta live with whatcha got
  • 03:17:14: Pulseman: Not since I played the game I named myself after have I enjoyed a game so much
  • 03:17:22: ShawnCognitionCP: Maybe it made you immune to the destructive effects of electricity on our bodies.
  • 03:17:44: The Crusader of Truth: urite
  • 03:17:44: Pulseman: Maybe it made him into real life Pulse man
  • 03:18:02: ShawnCognitionCP: Sounds like a rejected Mega Man villain
  • 03:18:08: RenzXVI: My laptop's battery is fine but it dies randomly when unplugged if I don't drain the excess power (turning the laptop without the battery attached).
  • 03:18:08: Kora Stormblade: eh I think my home life probably doesnt help too much, my parents try and say theyre here but they are also very unreliable and can be quite rash if I do something they dislike so I just feel disconnected from a lot. I think it's just lack of much of a social life and being stuck at home a lot, I notice that I feel better when Im out with folks sometimes
  • 03:18:19: Pulseman: He's made by game freak actually
  • 03:18:21: The Crusader of Truth: tbh I wish I wasn't some depressed brain inside a bunch of dumbass bones floating around in the middle of space on a dying rock
  • 03:18:31: Pulseman: They did him before they did Pokemon
  • 03:18:32: Kora Stormblade: that and I guess anxiety in general but Ive always had that
  • 03:18:39: Kora Stormblade: just flares up sometimes
  • 03:18:49: Pulseman: It's a balling platformer
  • 03:18:55: The Crusader of Truth: @Kora, me too tbh
  • 03:19:24: Pulseman: Basically it's a dude with electrical powers who can enter and exit cyberspace at will
  • 03:19:25: ShawnCognitionCP: No mental issue stays static, I can assure you of that. You will have fluctuations/"flares", positive and negative, with and without justified cause.
  • 03:20:08: The Crusader of Truth: If I had electrical powers I'd probably kill a few people if it couldn'
  • 03:20:12: The Crusader of Truth: t be tied back to me
  • 03:20:16: Kora Stormblade: I think the memory of christmas and things I used to enjoy so well are feeling more depressing and unenjoyable, and I think when I notice that things arent the same as they used to be it just creates a destructive mental cycle of nostalgia and a lack of motivation
  • 03:20:18: ShawnCognitionCP: The fact you feel better when with others suggests it is subject to change on lifestyle change fairly quickly, do you have an active drive to seek others, or do you just accept opportunities when they arrive.
  • 03:20:30: ShawnCognitionCP: That is more concerning.
  • 03:20:37: Pulseman: He's trying to stop his dad from basically being a cyber terrorist using the cyberspace to take over the world
  • 03:20:42: ShawnCognitionCP: You're comparing your current state to your previous one, whether you notice it or not.
  • 03:20:49: ShawnCognitionCP: The "I used to be happy" sort.
  • 03:20:53: Pulseman: And enslaving cyberspaces inhabitants
  • 03:21:03: ShawnCognitionCP: Whether it's active thought choice or just happens.
  • 03:21:11: RenzXVI: Christmas is generally upsetting IMO.
  • 03:21:18: Kora Stormblade: then again my parents usually always tell me "you used to be so outgoing and happy" for years now so I think I just may have adapted that possibly
  • 03:21:21: Pulseman: Also, fun fact, complimenting someone is a form of brainwashing
  • 03:21:30: Pulseman: Called Suggestive Brainwashing
  • 03:21:35: ShawnCognitionCP: Also, Crusader, if you aren't memeing when you say "me too", my allowance to be reached for venting/aid extends to you as well.
  • 03:21:46: The Crusader of Truth: Yeah, I'm not memeing it
  • 03:21:53: Kora Stormblade: memes 4 lyfe
  • 03:22:07: Pulseman: It's minor but it affects their behavior, and causes them to do things in a way that is approved by others
  • 03:22:15: The Crusader of Truth: That would be pretty dank but I'm usually straight forward about my emotions
  • 03:22:24: ShawnCognitionCP: Then you may also feel free to contact me on whatever service if you need to speak, or if you simply chose to vent.
  • 03:22:27: Pulseman: Like if you say you like a dudes shirt they will wear it more
  • 03:22:33: The Crusader of Truth: The difference is I can tie back to whats causing my depression because I know whats causing it
  • 03:22:39: ShawnCognitionCP: Pulse, that feeds into the fact that all dialogue is a form of manipulation.
  • 03:22:48: Pulseman: Ye in a way
  • 03:22:53: ShawnCognitionCP: If you compliment someone it's because you want them to feel positively and are using words to reach that result.
  • 03:22:57: ShawnCognitionCP: Reverse for insult.
  • 03:23:05: The Crusader of Truth: Pulse, I love your avatar
  • 03:23:08: The Crusader of Truth: Ayy now you like me more
  • 03:23:15: Pulseman: Thanks Kappa
  • 03:23:24: The Crusader of Truth: (kappa)
  • 03:23:26: Kora Stormblade: I think it has a lot to do with the fact that my family used to be a lot happier and actually connected to eachother in the past and now its kind of all gone to shit tbh so it just hurts when I think about it though I try not to
  • 03:23:29: Kora Stormblade: o kappa memes
  • 03:23:35: Pulseman: Oh it's an actual thing here (kappa)
  • 03:23:38: Pulseman: Nice
  • 03:23:42: Kora Stormblade: we need party parrot
  • 03:23:47: The Crusader of Truth: It's spelled noice thank you
  • 03:23:51: The Crusader of Truth: (parrot)
  • 03:23:56: Pulseman: Butch pleaae
  • 03:24:06: Pulseman: Bitch*
  • 03:24:11: Pulseman: God auto-correct
  • 03:24:20: ShawnCognitionCP: You have a concept which you used to see as stable and connected as unstable. It's a strange/alienating situation.
  • 03:24:23: Pulseman: Y u Do dis
  • 03:24:43: ShawnCognitionCP: It's certainly a cause of your current feelings, but I would not say it's the root cause.
  • 03:25:01: RenzXVI: My family has been disconnected for a long time, but it's getting worse lately. :p
  • 03:25:15: ShawnCognitionCP: Typically, similar feelings can be reached by people that either self-blame or fully project.
  • 03:25:25: RenzXVI: I wouldn't have minded their crap if they weren't fighting all the time.
  • 03:25:28: Kora Stormblade: I self blame a lot lmao rip
  • 03:25:34: Pulseman: Also fun fact, we are likely the minority of life forms in the universe as carbon based, in fact many scientists theorise that silicon is the most common basis for life
  • 03:25:43: ShawnCognitionCP: People that tend to either put themselves right in the center of the spotlight of blame, or refuse to see themselves in it.
  • 03:25:49: The Crusader of Truth: >Y u Do dis >me everytime I disconnect myself from all of my friends for weeks before realizing the problem is everyone just hurts me
  • 03:26:01: Pulseman: Lol
  • 03:26:06: ShawnCognitionCP: Depends what paper you source, Pulse.
  • 03:26:18: Pulseman: BTW who is that, reminds me of Die in Bane
  • 03:26:22: ShawnCognitionCP: Carbon-based life forms have simple beginnings.
  • 03:26:24: Pulseman: @crusader
  • 03:26:28: ShawnCognitionCP: It would make sense they'd be fairly common.
  • 03:26:48: The Crusader of Truth: @Pulseman Michael Rosen
  • 03:26:51: Pulseman: Ah
  • 03:27:02: Kora Stormblade: I have a very dependent personality I guess so if I dont have someone there or if the person who would be there I feel is drifting it usually causes these states, so Ive come to think my root issue is that my happiness is derived from others and not from myself which is why I fluctuate so often
  • 03:27:06: Pulseman: I love Die in Bane
  • 03:27:10: Pulseman: He's funny
  • 03:27:32: ShawnCognitionCP: There you go.
  • 03:27:33: The Crusader of Truth: Ok honestly that is me @Ko[[]]ra
  • 03:27:45: ShawnCognitionCP: I can't say for sure, but that certainly sounds like what could be your root cause.
  • 03:27:49: The Crusader of Truth: Which explains why I hate it when all people do is hurt me to a greater degree because I can't handle it
  • 03:27:52: Pulseman: Also Shawn it's just a theory from a scientist who worked in CETI, and for a time worked in NASA that's gaining tract
  • 03:27:56: Qahnaarin1997: Shawn, I have accomplished my goal in Destiny 2.
  • 03:28:07: Pulseman: Which was what Qah
  • 03:28:15: ShawnCognitionCP: Your family being so distant hurts so much because you're dependent on that stable family to offer some support, and feel accepted into an invulnerable concept.
  • 03:28:18: Qahnaarin1997: Reaching the max light/power rating before the release of the first DLC which would raise it.
  • 03:28:25: ShawnCognitionCP: Nice, Qahn.
  • 03:28:25: Kora Stormblade: i think it is honestly shawn, that and probably a multitude of other things but that is likely the main issue which has just others branching off
  • 03:28:29: Pulseman: >buying dlc
  • 03:28:33: Qahnaarin1997: I had to do it without attempting the raid.
  • 03:28:36: Pulseman: People like you are enablers
  • 03:28:40: Pulseman: Disgusting
  • 03:28:46: ShawnCognitionCP: Good DLC deserves to be purchased.
  • 03:28:49: Pulseman: Ik
  • 03:29:00: RenzXVI: Kora, I don't wanna scare you or something but you have to prepare with that getting worse when you leave school.
  • 03:29:02: Pulseman: But season passes are just often stupid
  • 03:29:13: ShawnCognitionCP: I would not say that 100%.
  • 03:29:15: Qahnaarin1997: No, they're practical.
  • 03:29:17: Kora Stormblade: I actually want to move out very badly renz
  • 03:29:25: ShawnCognitionCP: It can also feel better, depending on how shitty the specific school is.
  • 03:29:25: Qahnaarin1997: A lot of time they actually save you money.
  • 03:29:27: Pulseman: Like they are proven to have content a lot of the time is ripped from the base game
  • 03:29:29: Kora Stormblade: that way I actually have a chance to find people
  • 03:29:31: RenzXVI: Wait, why? But school is mostly where you have people around you.
  • 03:29:33: Kora Stormblade: my school is utter shit shawn
  • 03:29:36: Pulseman: No I'm not talking about cost
  • 03:29:44: Pulseman: Like it does save you money
  • 03:29:51: ShawnCognitionCP: Because if you don't like the students and feel alienated in school, it's an enabler for this specific issue, renz.
  • 03:29:52: Kora Stormblade: there's no one here except some people who I dont even really see outside of it anyways
  • 03:29:56: Qahnaarin1997: I know, season passes can save you money a lot of the time.
  • 03:29:57: Pulseman: But when it has content that was made for the base game
  • 03:30:02: RenzXVI: Oh ok. :p
  • 03:30:07: Pulseman: And that's becoming more and more common
  • 03:30:11: Pulseman: Of a practice
  • 03:30:16: RenzXVI: Then it could get better then, find a happy work place.
  • 03:30:19: Qahnaarin1997: Fallout 4 for example, the entire set of DLC cost about 60$
  • 03:30:33: Pulseman: I'm not saying that it's entirely content cut from the base game or that it was finished
  • 03:30:37: Qahnaarin1997: Buying the season pass when it was on sale was cost effective.
  • 03:30:52: Pulseman: Again I'm not talking cost
  • 03:30:52: The Crusader of Truth: @Shawn question since you kinda seem to understand the problem I guess I want to ask, is there a way to stop being dependent on other people for your own feelings? I try it a lot but I can't pull it off
  • 03:30:57: Pulseman: I'm talking content
  • 03:31:19: Pulseman: A prime example being destiny 1
  • 03:31:27: ShawnCognitionCP: I would recommend some things, though I can't recommend how you go about them. Each person is different and if I tell you to do it a certain way and you can't take that specific route but listen, it can go very bad, Kora/Crusader for the same issue.
  • 03:31:41: Qahnaarin1997: How so, pulse?
  • 03:31:43: ShawnCognitionCP: There's a lot more solutions than you'd think.
  • 03:31:44: Pulseman: A lot of the season pass content for the first year had content cut from the base game
  • 03:31:48: ShawnCognitionCP: Many won't make sense until you look into them.
  • 03:32:05: Pulseman: It wasn't entirely cut content nor was any of it finished at release date
  • 03:32:27: The Crusader of Truth: Considering I can't find any hobbies that really make me happy, are there still a lot of solutions on that list?
  • 03:32:27: Qahnaarin1997: So it was cut content, but it wasn't?
  • 03:32:34: Kora Stormblade: yea that sounds about right. Everyone is unique and has unique issues so cookie cut/strict solutions just cant work for everyone out there
  • 03:32:35: Pulseman: But it does raise some valid concerns
  • 03:32:36: Qahnaarin1997: I don't see how that makes sense.
  • 03:32:43: ShawnCognitionCP: First off, for the loneliness, join semi-local groups on social media, go to public non-invite events, use apps like Tindr, even (you can specify you don't want to fuck), though Facebook works better.
  • 03:33:21: Pulseman: It was content and concepts cut from the game on release but it wasn't entirely finished
  • 03:33:35: Kora Stormblade: eh I was thinking of getting snapchat soon so I can fit myself in the loop of things a bit better and I recently finished a group history project which let me hang out with some friends which was good
  • 03:33:36: Qahnaarin1997: Concepts are different
  • 03:33:39: Pulseman: So they reused it as dlc
  • 03:33:49: Pulseman: I have no issue with concepts
  • 03:33:52: ShawnCognitionCP: Snapchat is an example.
  • 03:33:56: The Crusader of Truth: tbh Kora if you got snapchat I would add you if you let me lmao
  • 03:33:59: ShawnCognitionCP: Internet crashed, back.
  • 03:34:03: ShawnCognitionCP: I have Snapchat
  • 03:34:04: ShawnCognitionCP: Add me fag
  • 03:34:07: ShawnCognitionCP: Anyways, back to topic
  • 03:34:14: ShawnCognitionCP: Getting your name out should be a gradual process.
  • 03:34:15: Qahnaarin1997: They are ideas used to mold the game, are refined throughout the development.
  • 03:34:21: ShawnCognitionCP: Don't rush it and overwhelm yourself.
  • 03:34:23: Kora Stormblade: ill get it when I get a phone which is new enough to download it which wil be in bout a week or so
  • 03:34:25: The Crusader of Truth: no thats racist I only accept mexicans
  • 03:34:29: Pulseman: But I can see some people's concerns about season passes and the precedent they can set
  • 03:34:40: Pulseman: That's all I'm saying
  • 03:34:53: Qahnaarin1997: Most of the concepts are thrown out, scrapped if you will, and gone in a different direction.
  • 03:34:56: ShawnCognitionCP: You want meeting new people to feel natural.
  • 03:35:01: ShawnCognitionCP: Not simulated.
  • 03:35:05: Kora Stormblade: yea, a lot of people know me because Ive been a drum major for 2 years, so a lot of people know my name and treat me like theyve known me for ages when I dont know them at all
  • 03:35:06: ShawnCognitionCP: And especially not forced.
  • 03:35:10: Kora Stormblade: and yea thats true
  • 03:35:16: Pulseman: There is some actual content cut from the game though
  • 03:35:28: Pulseman: That they reused as DLC
  • 03:35:35: RenzXVI: Believe me, totally removing the social ties issue is not a good idea... I did that and now I prefer being by myself but it turns into an issue because of course, I need to interact with people. I've moved on to online jobs recently so now I am even more detached from people, now whenever I need to be around people, I am not used to it, I end up being picky or rude to them. :p
  • 03:35:36: Pulseman: So I can see concerns
  • 03:35:49: Qahnaarin1997: If you really want to nit-pick though, Destiny is basically a copied Warframe.
  • 03:35:50: ShawnCognitionCP: If you have it in you, you can perk yourself up (SLOWLY) for assertiveness.
  • 03:35:58: Pulseman: Ben restarting phone
  • 03:36:00: ShawnCognitionCP: It can be subtle for a while.
  • 03:36:02: The Crusader of Truth: @Ren that explains a lot (kappa)
  • 03:36:04: The Crusader of Truth: jk
  • 03:36:08: Pulseman: Brb
  • 03:36:08: ShawnCognitionCP: Just don't let yourself be downtalked by others.
  • 03:36:08: Pulseman: Brb
  • 03:36:14: Pulseman: Lag
  • 03:36:20: ShawnCognitionCP: Even if it is a kind request, it's a form of assertiveness.
  • 03:36:28: ShawnCognitionCP: You will feel how you let others speak to you.
  • 03:36:41: ShawnCognitionCP: It will shave off on you and you will fit the caste you allow people to force you into.
  • 03:36:45: ShawnCognitionCP: Submissive people often have this issue.
  • 03:37:05: RenzXVI: Just curious, does this mean "internet friends" don't work for you guys either?
  • 03:37:08: ShawnCognitionCP: Confidence plays a massive role in just about every aspect of your life.
  • 03:37:11: Kora Stormblade: if Ill be honest I think my parents forced any type of assertiveness out of me, but I do notice that I nearly beat the shit out of a kid for being an ass so I know Im able to hold my own and I dont let people be rude to me, I think its just hard for me to be assertive in the sense of like talking with someone first
  • 03:37:26: ShawnCognitionCP: I see no divide between my internet friends and close friends.
  • 03:37:29: Kora Stormblade: like im not a dick basically unless someone is to me first
  • 03:37:37: ShawnCognitionCP: If I call someone a friend, I enjoy their company.
  • 03:37:46: RenzXVI: You beat up a kid? Now Kora really is scary.
  • 03:37:49: ShawnCognitionCP: If I don't enjoy their company, I don't speak to them in the first place, Renz.
  • 03:37:53: Kora Stormblade: i didnt I almost did
  • 03:37:57: The Crusader of Truth: Question if we have a problem with being downtalked should I work on being confident with those people anyway or to just get new friends
  • 03:38:01: Kora Stormblade: now hes in DAP for a month because he was high lmao
  • 03:38:09: ShawnCognitionCP: That is an issue of confidence, to both of you.
  • 03:38:14: ShawnCognitionCP: It depends how badly it is, Crusader.
  • 03:38:22: ShawnCognitionCP: Make your point heard that it has a negative effect on you.
  • 03:38:32: The Crusader of Truth: Semi-minor but I've tried that and it doesn't work
  • 03:38:41: ShawnCognitionCP: If they continue in a manner that hurts against your clearly spoken wishes, they clearly don't see you as importantly as you see them.
  • 03:38:57: The Crusader of Truth: (hammer) and replace?
  • 03:39:01: ShawnCognitionCP: Speak in totalities when speaking in this manner.
  • 03:39:11: ShawnCognitionCP: If you've warned them once, don't request.
  • 03:39:33: ShawnCognitionCP: It should be along the lines of "Stop talking to me like that".
  • 03:39:41: ShawnCognitionCP: Not "Could you stop talking like that/shut up?"
  • 03:39:51: Kora Stormblade: then you beat their ass (y) jk lmao
  • 03:39:52: ShawnCognitionCP: Phrasing it as a question implies you aren't firm in this regard.
  • 03:39:58: ShawnCognitionCP: You need to be firm.
  • 03:40:16: RenzXVI: Got to ask, are you guys seeking /close/ friends or just friends in general?
  • 03:40:17: The Crusader of Truth: Kora I cant hit girls tho its not socially acceptable
  • 03:40:23: The Crusader of Truth: Kinda both
  • 03:40:24: Kora Stormblade: just be trans its fine
  • 03:40:31: The Crusader of Truth: urite
  • 03:40:33: ShawnCognitionCP: Don't go out to seek close friends.
  • 03:40:38: ShawnCognitionCP: Go out to seek friends.
  • 03:40:41: ShawnCognitionCP: If they become close, good.
  • 03:40:44: Kora Stormblade: ^
  • 03:40:46: ShawnCognitionCP: If not, you forcing it will make it worse.
  • 03:41:06: RenzXVI: Not like that, I meant if your problem is lack of friends in general or just lack of close friends.
  • 03:41:08: ShawnCognitionCP: Surrounding yourself with people you consider close while they don't (different relationship levels due to forcing), you will definitely hurt yourself.
  • 03:41:30: ShawnCognitionCP: The largest part of breaking dependency is confidence.
  • 03:41:47: ShawnCognitionCP: I have to get a little Freudian here but don't be immature twats.
  • 03:41:53: ShawnCognitionCP: Diet effects you much more than you'd think.
  • 03:42:11: ShawnCognitionCP: If your body doesn't have what it needs, your thoughts will reflect that.
  • 03:42:22: ShawnCognitionCP: Eating healthy and maintaining a healthy body work wonders for thoughts in most cases.
  • 03:42:24: The Crusader of Truth: Have you met me, I am nothing but an immature twat
  • 03:42:41: ShawnCognitionCP: Bodily confidence is very important, and while it's an inherently sexual thing, it's not /strictly/ a sexual thing.
  • 03:42:58: ShawnCognitionCP: Someone that sees themselves as good in appearance will be happier with confrontation.
  • 03:43:16: ShawnCognitionCP: Appearance is the first thing people notice about you, and it puts you in a good or bad standing in an automatic sense.
  • 03:43:24: The Crusader of Truth: And if we're not eating healthy but are still confident in appearance does it still effect our moods?
  • 03:43:27: ShawnCognitionCP: People are kinder to attractive people, attractive people find communication easier.
  • 03:43:32: ShawnCognitionCP: Yes.
  • 03:43:41: ShawnCognitionCP: Your entire mind is the result of hormones and chemicals.
  • 03:43:53: ShawnCognitionCP: Throw that out of balance with a bad diet, you know the results.
  • 03:43:54: The Crusader of Truth: What would be the chemical effects?
  • 03:44:10: ShawnCognitionCP: A healthier body will be better hormonally balanced.
  • 03:44:13: ShawnCognitionCP: Take serotonin for example.
  • 03:44:24: ShawnCognitionCP: Serotonin makes you happy.
  • 03:44:28: ShawnCognitionCP: See the connection?
  • 03:44:48: ShawnCognitionCP: Being confident in your appearance definitely is a major boost, though.
  • 03:45:04: ShawnCognitionCP: You'll be more able to put yourself out there, get your name around, publicly appear, et cetera.
  • 03:45:30: The Crusader of Truth: Honestly I don't think my body has ever produced a lot of serotonin because I'm almost always depressed
  • 03:45:46: ShawnCognitionCP: Chronic depression.
  • 03:45:58: ShawnCognitionCP: I would recommend psychotherapy so you can get an official diagnosis.
  • 03:46:19: ShawnCognitionCP: Medication and the ability to always have a non-judgmental person to voice your issues to will help.
  • 03:46:27: The Crusader of Truth: Parents won't take me to a doctor or therapist but I recognize it as something like that
  • 03:46:40: The Crusader of Truth: And I have neither in my life soooo lmapo
  • 03:46:41: Josetrujillo: sap fuckers
  • 03:46:42: The Crusader of Truth: *lmao
  • 03:47:00: ShawnCognitionCP: School councilors can act as therapists.
  • 03:47:00: RenzXVI: Need to reload chat.
  • 03:47:10: ShawnCognitionCP: Voice your feelings to your councilor.
  • 03:47:26: RenzXVI: Good, it didn't spam in and outs.
  • 03:47:34: The Crusader of Truth: Tried that once, they always get my parents involved, then tell me to get over the problem
  • 03:47:35: ShawnCognitionCP: Kora, Crusader- another major root cause may be goals.
  • 03:47:47: ShawnCognitionCP: Do you have goals set for the future, especially near future?
  • 03:47:56: ShawnCognitionCP: And just as important, do you consider them truly achievable?
  • 03:48:07: The Crusader of Truth: I can see thats a problem then now lmao
  • 03:48:19: ShawnCognitionCP: Feeling as if you're going no where can cause depression, and it can also cause dependency on others for that sense of achievement.
  • 03:48:28: The Crusader of Truth: My only goal in life is to take over the wiki and then buy UESP (kappa)
  • 03:48:55: The Crusader of Truth: All jokes aside that's actually probably one of my major issues
  • 03:48:57: ShawnCognitionCP: You can feel achievement by your accomplishments- or by others bolstering it and praising you. A healthy mind needs a balance of both.
  • 03:49:00: RenzXVI: What about people who are easily content? Does that just mean they have other problems?
  • 03:49:16: ShawnCognitionCP: Being /too/ positive is also an issue, Renz.
  • 03:49:26: RenzXVI: Yeah, I thought so.
  • 03:49:34: The Crusader of Truth: "Oh shit I got shot? It's okay, at least they didn't get hurt"
  • 03:49:41: ShawnCognitionCP: Take Narcissistic Personality Disorder for example. It's not that simple, but clearly the diagnosis doesn't happen when people hate themselves.
  • 03:49:59: RenzXVI: But I sorta thought you can't always have a goal, especially if the person was successful in his field.
  • 03:50:20: DarkVaultBoy: crus wassup my boy
  • 03:50:23: ShawnCognitionCP: If you're successful in your field and feel as such, you have that constant sense of accomplishment and pride.
  • 03:50:37: ShawnCognitionCP: We're dealing with 17-19 year olds, here.
  • 03:50:45: The Crusader of Truth: yo o/
  • 03:50:46: ShawnCognitionCP: They do not have careers they love to give that sense of joy.
  • 03:51:09: The Crusader of Truth: I guess what I really need in life is a goal
  • 03:51:16: ShawnCognitionCP: I will be back in just a minute, getting ice cream.
  • 03:51:28: RenzXVI: ^ So that means they're stuck in a good place and that's it? Or they still need to find goals even if they are already successful?
  • 03:51:45: RenzXVI: Ooops, misplaced arrow is misplaced.
  • 03:53:01: Kora Stormblade: yea i have no idea what I want for my future and never have been able to other than I want to be somewhere else tbh
  • 03:53:16: Kora Stormblade: maybe become a lowkey cheesemaker or have a farm lmao
  • 03:53:33: RenzXVI: I can't imagine you with either of those.
  • 03:53:38: Kora Stormblade: i can
  • 03:53:50: The Crusader of Truth: @Shawn Although in the past having goals hasn't helped with my dependency on others?
  • 03:54:07: Kora Stormblade: not a money maker but Id much rather be in something which isnt a stuck up building or office all day everyday for years
  • 03:54:09: The Crusader of Truth: Kora we should start a meme farm together (kappa)
  • 03:54:20: Kora Stormblade: lol bet
  • 03:54:22: RenzXVI: Maybe because your goals involve other people? Or their help, at least.
  • 03:54:27: The Crusader of Truth: bet
  • 03:54:35: Kora Stormblade: nah I just wanna make shit
  • 03:54:47: RenzXVI: Arts and crafts is fun.
  • 03:55:02: The Crusader of Truth: We could buy hogs and sell their shit and paint memes on them then (Y) (kappa)
  • 03:55:26: RenzXVI: I could imagine Kora more as a youtuber that cooks homemade cat food or cakes. XD
  • 03:55:33: Kora Stormblade: eh
  • 03:55:40: ShawnCognitionCP: I am back
  • 03:55:59: Kora Stormblade: always wanted a youtube channel lmao but I dont have the material and Im sure folks from school would find it tbh
  • 03:56:01: Kora Stormblade: wb
  • 03:56:04: ShawnCognitionCP: Did you consider them fully achievable, or did you doubt them, Crusader?
  • 03:56:23: The Crusader of Truth: Fully achievable and now kinda achieved, didn't help with depression at the time
  • 03:56:36: ShawnCognitionCP: Worrying about embarrassment to the degree of stopping one of your large wishes is part of the issue, Kora.
  • 03:56:56: ShawnCognitionCP: You have a passion for art, be it audio or paint.
  • 03:57:09: Kora Stormblade: well its not actually whats really stopping me fully, I would do it if I could but I dont have an actual mic or good camera or anything
  • 03:57:23: The Crusader of Truth: I just hate it because I mostly have a need to depend on people whereas to the point anything said to me I take to the heart
  • 03:57:26: ShawnCognitionCP: So why not take your painting to the next degree in its stead?
  • 03:58:16: Kora Stormblade: what do you mean?
  • 03:58:53: Kora Stormblade: unless youre talkin to crus lol
  • 03:58:54: ShawnCognitionCP: Your bodily image is high but your personal image is low, Crusader. You see yourself in a very bad light, and I'm willing to bet you feel like an outsider/observer even in close crowds.
  • 03:58:58: ShawnCognitionCP: I was speaking to you.
  • 03:59:08: RenzXVI: Kora paints?
  • 03:59:16: RenzXVI: Oh wait, I remember the fairy thing.
  • 03:59:18: ShawnCognitionCP: You can't Youtube, so draw and share it in its place.
  • 03:59:23: RenzXVI: With the backwards leg.
  • 03:59:31: RenzXVI: ^ according to her.
  • 03:59:33: The Crusader of Truth: Yeah, you're not wrong Shawn. I don't have a reason to have a good personal image
  • 03:59:34: Kora Stormblade: yea I paint just not as often anymore for some reason
  • 03:59:40: Kora Stormblade: nah it was the toe which was wrong renz
  • 03:59:42: ShawnCognitionCP: In this age, sharing art is as easy as two clicks.
  • 04:00:05: RenzXVI: I never thought there was anything wrong with it.
  • 04:00:07: ShawnCognitionCP: You are likely to get a similar experience to if you were Youtubing.
  • 04:00:20: Kora Stormblade: yea for some reason I dont really draw or paint anymore I dont really enjoy it as much anymore
  • 04:00:25: The Crusader of Truth: I counted, I'd estimate 6-8 clicks
  • 04:00:30: The Crusader of Truth: Which isn't far from 2
  • 04:00:31: ShawnCognitionCP: You say you have no reason to enjoy yourself, but if I ask you to objectively justify it, could you give me one reason to dislike you, Crusader?
  • 04:00:58: The Crusader of Truth: Because I mess everything up and because I'm extremely socially awkward and I cant identify why
  • 04:01:16: Kora Stormblade: aw rip
  • 04:01:43: ShawnCognitionCP: Having such a locked personal image assures me you're convinced you have some objective reasoning. "I mess everything up" is insanely vague, it will become a horoscope and /anyone/ can apply "mess everything up" by reading it.
  • 04:02:11: ShawnCognitionCP: As far as "socially awkward" goes, welcome to the introvert-extrovert scale, you're an introvert.
  • 04:02:19: ShawnCognitionCP: Roughly 60% of the population.
  • 04:02:23: ShawnCognitionCP: No objective reasoning.
  • 04:02:25: ShawnCognitionCP: Next?
  • 04:02:32: The Crusader of Truth: I have a deeper "I mess everything up" statement I gues
  • 04:02:34: The Crusader of Truth: *s
  • 04:03:05: ShawnCognitionCP: Share it, if you will.
  • 04:03:40: ShawnCognitionCP: And Kora, you did highlight the lack of getting enjoyment from things, but I recommend you try, just once, using that lack of enjoyment and darkness as a drive.
  • 04:03:59: ShawnCognitionCP: Sit down and create whatever it makes you create, stop if you're insanely bored of course, but just test it.
  • 04:04:15: ShawnCognitionCP: More novels and masterpieces stem from similar origins than you'd believe.
  • 04:04:51: Kora Stormblade: I can try, it just makes my head feel busy if I try and draw as I used to, so I do abstract for myself but cant get my feelings down that way, so I just try and stick to reading instead. I did spend a good amount of time doing a landscape drawing which played with perspectives and it turned out really well, so I can try here soon
  • 04:04:54: The Crusader of Truth: Because any relationship I try to have with someone always ends up with me messing up the relationship one way or another, any friendship I make messes up because I take the wrong steps, any project I try to make messes up because I can't make the right steps and I don't have the correct skill and practicing isn't enjoyable and when I do practice even long term I don't get better, I'm also extremely oafish and will hit people and knock stuff over and all all by mistake, and basically whenever I do something it doesn't turn out the way I wanted it or redeemable as successful in almost any way
  • 04:05:01: The Crusader of Truth: Thats a pretty paragraph
  • 04:05:14: ShawnCognitionCP: If not art, then something physical. All emotional releases need some physical release with them (drawing has the act of drawing in and of itself, which is physical, obviously).
  • 04:05:27: ShawnCognitionCP: You live in Texas, there's plenty of room for hikes and microadventures.
  • 04:05:58: ShawnCognitionCP: Crusader.
  • 04:06:01: ShawnCognitionCP: You're, what, 18?
  • 04:06:05: The Crusader of Truth: 17
  • 04:06:06: Kora Stormblade: Yea I was looking into sculpting at one point, and eh I guess but my parents are overprotecting lmao and they dont want to go out much, if I can try and ask some people if theyd be interested in doing that and we can get a group going on it could do
  • 04:06:13: ShawnCognitionCP: I will dissect this.
  • 04:06:19: ShawnCognitionCP: 1. Relationships always mess up
  • 04:06:49: ShawnCognitionCP: You are 17. The idea you'll find a partner you won't break up with (or won't break up with you) is unlikely at best. Not impossible, but unlikely.
  • 04:06:57: ShawnCognitionCP: When someone breaks up, that always means someone messed up.
  • 04:07:06: ShawnCognitionCP: Be it literally or emotionally, something went wrong on someone's part.
  • 04:07:34: ShawnCognitionCP: Ask anyone of any age how many partners they've had, and better yet, how many "crushes" they had/people they connected with.
  • 04:07:45: ShawnCognitionCP: That same number is the amount of times something fucked up on someone's side in their life.
  • 04:07:46: RenzXVI: Get a girl pregnant and hope it's quadruplets, that will make her not leave. :p Sorry for the joke.
  • 04:08:14: ShawnCognitionCP: 2. Friendships fail
  • 04:08:27: ShawnCognitionCP: Do you believe your parent's friends are the same set they had at 17?
  • 04:08:33: The Crusader of Truth: * gets extremely triggered and commits suicide because of Re[[]]nz's comment*
  • 04:09:05: RenzXVI: Majority of my friendships fade, not exactly fail. I leave school and lose contact with classmates. Change jobs, same thing.
  • 04:09:13: ShawnCognitionCP: People change friend groups constantly. It's a part of our nature, we struggle and conflict, but that helps us widdle down who does and doesn't make us feel good /in the time/.
  • 04:09:27: ShawnCognitionCP: Cutting friends off and being cut off is not only a normal part of life, but a downright necessity.
  • 04:09:41: ShawnCognitionCP: People develop in different ways, and compatible people are unlikely to always be compatible.
  • 04:09:55: ShawnCognitionCP: It's dangerous to wish to keep incompatible people around.
  • 04:10:08: ShawnCognitionCP: 3. Projects fail
  • 04:10:17: The Crusader of Truth: Sorry to interrupt but @2 howso?
  • 04:10:27: ShawnCognitionCP: Backtrack <---
  • 04:10:51: ShawnCognitionCP: We are the result of our environment and our individual personalities.
  • 04:11:13: ShawnCognitionCP: With every experience you have, you are changing. It's going to be such a small amount you could never hope to notice, but they quickly accumulate.
  • 04:11:31: RenzXVI: I lost a friend once because we mostly only met when we go out to drink, that might count as one.
  • 04:11:48: RenzXVI: I mean he decided to stop drinking.
  • 04:11:58: ShawnCognitionCP: So, if you take two twins, and let's pretend they are raised exactly the same and have exactly the same traits and personalities-
  • 04:12:06: ShawnCognitionCP: They both go to school
  • 04:12:09: ShawnCognitionCP: One gets home fine
  • 04:12:14: ShawnCognitionCP: One gets assaulted by a bully
  • 04:12:19: ShawnCognitionCP: Now, they both have a different woldview.
  • 04:12:34: ShawnCognitionCP: One will be more angry than the other; they have become different people from the same starting point.
  • 04:12:47: ShawnCognitionCP: Now amplify this to everyday life. Everything is an experience which influences you.
  • 04:12:56: The Crusader of Truth: Yeah, I understand now
  • 04:13:21: The Crusader of Truth: Kind of like an echo once more voices are added
  • 04:13:25: RenzXVI: When Black Metal band members quit the band because they are Christian or they teach kindergarten. XD
  • 04:13:35: The Crusader of Truth: ^or both
  • 04:13:42: RenzXVI: It actually happened, in case you ask.
  • 04:13:45: ShawnCognitionCP: As for projects failing, this is something which happens to all of us.
  • 04:13:59: ShawnCognitionCP: Every time you get a passion, you risk running out of interest before it finishes.
  • 04:14:07: ShawnCognitionCP: You also risk interjection by other events over it.
  • 04:14:18: ShawnCognitionCP: Projects are commonly started and rarely finishes.
  • 04:14:24: ShawnCognitionCP: finished* My bad, typo.
  • 04:14:36: ShawnCognitionCP: And 4. Being clumsy
  • 04:14:42: The Crusader of Truth: [[User:The Crusader of Truth/Projects|One look at this and you're not wrong]]
  • 04:14:43: RenzXVI: Like playing some game and then you suddenly switch to a different one before finishing.
  • 04:15:06: ShawnCognitionCP: Again, horoscopic.
  • 04:15:12: The Crusader of Truth: brb one sec
  • 04:15:17: ShawnCognitionCP: Every single person fades in and out of coordination.
  • 04:15:32: ShawnCognitionCP: Everyone can look at "clumsy" as a descriptive word and subconsciously apply it to themselves.
  • 04:15:55: ShawnCognitionCP: No matter how fitting or unfitting, everyone can take it and feel it describes them, because everyone has clumsy moments they recall in their life.
  • 04:16:08: ShawnCognitionCP: Kora, overprotection could also be a cause of some of these feelings.
  • 04:16:12: ShawnCognitionCP: Do you feel smothered by this?
  • 04:16:27: Kora Stormblade: my parents are pretty overprotective tbh
  • 04:16:30: RenzXVI: A few of my friends have called me a ninja before. XD As good as that sounds, it's actually not. If I were to do something that I think I might not do perfectly, I try to avoid that because I am paranoid. So of course, I am good at doing simple things gracefully.
  • 04:16:38: The Crusader of Truth: Extremely yeah
  • 04:16:41: ShawnCognitionCP: See the connection?
  • 04:16:44: Kora Stormblade: I was reading about it in my book and I could apply a lot of what it said to me
  • 04:16:58: ShawnCognitionCP: 1. Not allowed to act as an individual, feel controlled and like choices are made for you
  • 04:17:13: Kora Stormblade: my parents (especially my mom) also talk to me like I dont know things on my own, or like Im incompetent
  • 04:17:18: ShawnCognitionCP: 2. Feel dependent on others for satisfaction and emotional benefit
  • 04:17:27: Kora Stormblade: "Dont talk to strangers" --->Im nearly 17
  • 04:17:29: ShawnCognitionCP: These two things are very interconnected.
  • 04:17:36: ShawnCognitionCP: connected*
  • 04:17:42: ShawnCognitionCP: My bad.
  • 04:18:04: Kora Stormblade: yea I can understand that connection
  • 04:18:29: Kora Stormblade: I was overprotected yet at the same time I dont think I was given the help or support I probably needed growing up
  • 04:18:40: Kora Stormblade: distant yet too close basically
  • 04:18:49: ShawnCognitionCP: And as we all know, those things do certainly not cross each other out.
  • 04:18:52: RenzXVI: Majority of my real life friends were people I met on facebook etc, if I followed the "don't meet strangers" thing, I'd be at a worse place.
  • 04:19:10: ShawnCognitionCP: Everyone's a stranger until you've spoken to them.
  • 04:19:28: Kora Stormblade: well they just tell me things I already know and I fucking hate being spoken to like Im a special needs child sometimes even though they know Im smart
  • 04:19:39: The Crusader of Truth: ^
  • 04:19:43: Kora Stormblade: so Ive grown a lot of impatience in general
  • 04:19:58: The Crusader of Truth: Again, ^
  • 04:20:15: ShawnCognitionCP: The trick is now deflecting or reflecting that in place of absorbing it.
  • 04:20:23: ShawnCognitionCP: You certainly aren't self-blaming here, which is great.
  • 04:20:31: RenzXVI: Heck, me and my GF stayed at one of our facebook friend's house in an unfamiliar province when we went on vacation and we met that friend in person for the very first time. I'd say that's pretty dangerous for all of us. XD
  • 04:20:33: ShawnCognitionCP: But you also shouldn't allow it to corrode at you.
  • 04:20:46: Kora Stormblade: yea, though I know they guilt trip me a lot and thats when I start to self blame
  • 04:21:00: Kora Stormblade: they havent done that in a little while though which is ok
  • 04:21:04: ShawnCognitionCP: Parents will always remind you of simplicity, and recognizing when it's out of care and when it's belittling is the first step in stopping the belittlement.
  • 04:21:10: ShawnCognitionCP: simplicities*
  • 04:21:12: ShawnCognitionCP: jfc
  • 04:21:26: Kora Stormblade: and yea thats true, its just hard because I dont live with anyone else but them so Im just here at home walking on eggshells most of the time
  • 04:21:47: ShawnCognitionCP: Then use a feather in place of a sword.
  • 04:21:56: ShawnCognitionCP: You can be assertive without people thinking you're being assertive.
  • 04:22:08: Kora Stormblade: they have very severe moodswings sometimes so as a result I dont speak out hardly at all and Im a beta person in general for it
  • 04:22:11: Kora Stormblade: Yea thats true
  • 04:22:28: ShawnCognitionCP: X belittles you, put on a smile and ask "Do you think I don't know that?" in a serious yet positive (not neutral nor negative) tone.
  • 04:22:32: ShawnCognitionCP: That's an example.
  • 04:22:51: ShawnCognitionCP: It comes out as playful banter, but it has a lingering effect.
  • 04:23:06: ShawnCognitionCP: Less likely to remind you of that same thing, unless they're consciously doing it to bother you.
  • 04:23:38: Kora Stormblade: does my mom asking me if Im angry at her or if shes bothering me or etc count as her trying to gain my reassurance for herself?
  • 04:23:54: The Crusader of Truth: So Shawn @earlier you were basically saying the things that happen to me are being over amplified by my feelings?
  • 04:24:32: Kora Stormblade: I can see that being the case yea crus, from what I read of it. Perspective and how you feel can change literally any situation I notice, but thats just imo
  • 04:24:37: ShawnCognitionCP: It's either care ("Why are you angry?" being genuine concern/"Are you angry?" being checkup up on you or the conversation's status) or a mother that sometimes feels like a burden herself.
  • 04:24:41: ShawnCognitionCP: One thing to consider-
  • 04:24:45: ShawnCognitionCP: Apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
  • 04:24:51: Kora Stormblade: Yea I know
  • 04:25:01: Kora Stormblade: But she asks it in a threatening tone basically
  • 04:25:06: Kora Stormblade: Its not really genuine I feel
  • 04:25:29: ShawnCognitionCP: Yes, Crusader. Depression builds a delusion of horror in a world of normality.
  • 04:25:31: Kora Stormblade: whereas Ive been working a lot on not asking or feeling like a burden, and whenever I do its never in a menacing way or one of anger like her
  • 04:25:41: ShawnCognitionCP: And that doesn't mean your feelings or invalid/you're being a "bitch".
  • 04:25:49: The Crusader of Truth: I guess thats one of my problems then because no matter how hard I try I always end up going back to a stage of depression
  • 04:26:09: ShawnCognitionCP: It just means that you see yourself in a worse light that you should.
  • 04:27:01: ShawnCognitionCP: The biggest revealer will be context, Kora.
  • 04:27:11: ShawnCognitionCP: You need to acknowledge the dialogue that leads to those lines.
  • 04:27:11: The Crusader of Truth: Maybe I should turn into Van Gogh and drink yellow paint
  • 04:27:42: ShawnCognitionCP: I can find a few situations where "Am I bothering you?" could be an array of emotions.
  • 04:27:51: ShawnCognitionCP: What leads to them being said is the best bet at knowing what they meant.
  • 04:28:08: Kora Stormblade: I wont be saying anything honestly, she just points out that I tell her Im tired all the time or I have a headache, I dont feel like talking, and when were in the car shell ask me a question and Ill answer it but she assumes my answer being a bit short is me being rude to her
  • 04:28:26: Kora Stormblade: So shell say "Are you made at me?" "...no?" "Are you lying to m?"
  • 04:28:27: Kora Stormblade: *me
  • 04:28:35: Kora Stormblade: Its never really in a nice way
  • 04:28:55: Kora Stormblade: She lets a lot of quiet car rides build up her assuming Im always mad at her Im guessing
  • 04:29:10: The Crusader of Truth: So question if I see myself in a bad light with my problems does that mean I need to change my perspective? I've been trying that and it hasnt worked
  • 04:29:12: Kora Stormblade: Even though I ask her if she needs anything and I make sure Im always very polite
  • 04:29:40: ShawnCognitionCP: Your mother could be facing similar issues herself coupled with being more confrontational.
  • 04:29:54: Kora Stormblade: I say thanks a lot if she gets me anything and whatnot so I dont appear ungrateful since shes considered me to be that before
  • 04:30:29: Kora Stormblade: Eh maybe but shes very angry sometimes, whenever I was in a really shit phase in middle school she told me to fake being happy
  • 04:30:44: ShawnCognitionCP: Crusader, yes, a perspective change is in order, but this will likely come with a lifestyle change. Solving one issue will shock you when it comes to your other issues. You'll see how all root causes we've highlighted are interconnected.
  • 04:30:59: ShawnCognitionCP: That is concerning, Kora.
  • 04:31:05: ShawnCognitionCP: In what context?
  • 04:31:20: ShawnCognitionCP: If it was fake being happy in school, it may be so others don't make fun of you and worsen your situation.
  • 04:31:31: ShawnCognitionCP: If it was fake being happy at home, it's not defendable.
  • 04:32:03: The Crusader of Truth: Another question, for seeing myself in a better light, ideas?
  • 04:32:26: Kora Stormblade: basically what she was doing to help me didnt work so she instantly assumed I was doing it for attention and ended up getting very angry at me for it. I was based off of my symptoms had really bad depression and anxiety so I wouldnt eat/sleep properly for weeks and probably months on and off, and she told me comparisons of how my life could always be worse
  • 04:32:38: ShawnCognitionCP: Seeing yourself in a better light is the end goal. The previously highlighted solutions (not that we've listed anywhere near all) to your other issues are the ladder to it.
  • 04:33:23: Kora Stormblade: So basically invalidating how I feel because people always had it worse and was frustrated that what she tried to do wasnt helping so she mustve blamed herself and or blamed me for it
  • 04:33:31: ShawnCognitionCP: The "always could be worse" argument; used in everyday life, never once has it ever meant a fucking thing.
  • 04:33:45: ShawnCognitionCP: A kid in Africa starving doesn't mean my severed finger isn't bleeding
  • 04:34:34: Kora Stormblade: basically felt like no one in my family took me seriously, even my brother told me I didnt have depression even though I felt like I wanted to fucking die since it felt like the feeling you get when you trip and fall except constantly for weeks on end
  • 04:34:52: The Crusader of Truth: okay so basically stop caring about failed relationships, friendships, live in the moment, and for failed projects and stuff don't take it to heart, and have a goal for myself?
  • 04:34:53: Kora Stormblade: so I ended up blaming myself for it all since I hated making people unhappy
  • 04:35:02: The Crusader of Truth: Sorry if Im like way out of the point Im getting really sleepy
  • 04:35:03: Kora Stormblade: and thought I was being selfish and whatnot
  • 04:35:11: ShawnCognitionCP: Back further, Crusader.
  • 04:35:27: ShawnCognitionCP: The lifestyle changes, confidence issues, exposure to society, gradual progress.
  • 04:36:01: The Crusader of Truth: So I have to push every day to make myself happy by gradual progress and changes in how I treat my body?
  • 04:36:20: ShawnCognitionCP: Very gradual, slow changes in how you live and act.
  • 04:36:27: ShawnCognitionCP: Believe it or not, changing actions will change thoughts.
  • 04:36:40: ShawnCognitionCP: Ever read the study on how philanthropists tend to be self-fulfilled?
  • 04:36:45: ShawnCognitionCP: It's relevant in concept.
  • 04:36:59: The Crusader of Truth: How to get a better personal image is on the list of those results?
  • 04:37:07: ShawnCognitionCP: Someone that makes others happy, or feels as if they've done good in a day, will slowly progress their own image.
  • 04:37:33: The Crusader of Truth: Maybe thats what I need to do
  • 04:37:35: ShawnCognitionCP: It seriously gets as simple as making people laugh or opening a door sometimes.
  • 04:37:53: ShawnCognitionCP: Don't fake happiness or kindness, but if you have kindness in yourself already, let the world see it.
  • 04:38:07: ShawnCognitionCP: Kora, that seems to be the trauma that worsened your condition and solidified it.
  • 04:38:17: ShawnCognitionCP: it also ties into each issue we've discussed quite well.
  • 04:38:20: The Crusader of Truth: Is there a problem with being too kind?
  • 04:38:25: The Crusader of Truth: Or at least a major problem?
  • 04:38:25: ShawnCognitionCP: Yes.
  • 04:39:02: ShawnCognitionCP: Stalkers and social vigilanties will justify themselves by saying they're doing good for their target.
  • 04:39:22: ShawnCognitionCP: You still want to be a part of society, don't come across as a creep.
  • 04:39:34: ShawnCognitionCP: Don't go past someone to hold the door for them, as an example.
  • 04:39:43: Kora Stormblade: i believed so as well, i wont go into detail about the issue which was causing my distress but basically when I tried to tell my mom about it she forced me to believe I was delusional, so I have an extremely hard time believing myself and I have to rely on others for reassurance since I dont trust myself for my own reassurance
  • 04:40:13: Kora Stormblade: least thats how I saw the situation
  • 04:40:17: The Crusader of Truth: * vigorously throws someone on the floor to open door for them *
  • 04:40:25: ShawnCognitionCP: And your questioning of that belief in and of itself shows great progress, whether you've noticed it or not.
  • 04:40:39: ShawnCognitionCP: Just locating the cause and drawing a line to now can work wonders.
  • 04:41:13: ShawnCognitionCP: If you know /why/ you feel a certain way, dismantling that "why" and realizing it isn't valid is the first step any professional would be ushering you towards.
  • 04:41:34: ShawnCognitionCP: If you are already challenging it on your own accord, you're progressing from that mindset already.
  • 04:42:09: ShawnCognitionCP: Think about how people ignore insults.
  • 04:42:11: ShawnCognitionCP: "You're X"
  • 04:42:23: ShawnCognitionCP: "He's wrong, and I know why"
  • 04:42:23: The Crusader of Truth: "You're a ugly fucktard"
  • 04:42:30: ShawnCognitionCP: And now it's completely unimportant.
  • 04:42:42: The Crusader of Truth: But what if they're right? Just ignore it anyway?
  • 04:43:01: RenzXVI: Yeah, because they said it to be a douche.
  • 04:43:08: ShawnCognitionCP: If they're right all they've done is highlight an issue in you that you can change and be an even greater person than before.
  • 04:43:29: ShawnCognitionCP: If it's a key trait, however, then you have a safety there as well.
  • 04:43:50: ShawnCognitionCP: Different types of personality castes. No one can simply morph into another person.
  • 04:44:01: ShawnCognitionCP: And if it's an issue that has no fix, why worry about it?
  • 04:44:14: ShawnCognitionCP: If you have a sore foot you don't put pressure on it.
  • 04:44:33: ShawnCognitionCP: And just hope it's better each time.
  • 04:44:40: The Crusader of Truth: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vphmJEpLXU0 unrelated in a way but
  • 04:44:40: ShawnCognitionCP: You just ignore it and it's no longer a bother.
  • 04:44:41: KINMUNE: Two Artificial Intelligence (AI) Chatbots talk and argue with each other
  • 04:45:10: ShawnCognitionCP: Renz is also right.
  • 04:45:24: RenzXVI: I was? :p
  • 04:45:24: ShawnCognitionCP: If someone says something purely to hurt you, you can rest assured they have no criticism standing behind it.
  • 04:45:36: ShawnCognitionCP: It's not a valid point, they're not attempting to help you or highlight an issue.
  • 04:45:48: ShawnCognitionCP: They simply want you hurt and are using words they think will do so.
  • 04:46:04: ShawnCognitionCP: A lot of the time it's not because it's something they hate in you, it's because /you/ hate it that they're saying it.
  • 04:47:36: Kora Stormblade: my mom also makes me feel so guilty, she tells me I do things I never do ("you slam the doors all time" --->never slam doors, Im too scared to, and she slams them or shuts them loudly all the time, tells me I stomp around the house when Ive only ever done that maybe twice in a few months while she does it constantly) and she distorts the way I act to always be an attack against her,she assumes everything and lets it build up inside until she breaks and takes it out on me, so shes told me she hopes I have a daughter who treats me the way I treat her
  • 04:47:51: Kora Stormblade: >>literally wishing me pain she thinks I inflict on her
  • 04:47:55: Kora Stormblade: even though I know for a fact that me asking her everyday if theres anything I can help with and thanking her kindly and always being polite is obviously such bad things for me to do
  • 04:49:07: RenzXVI: You have a case of the good old stupid-annoying-parents issue.
  • 04:49:09: Kora Stormblade: Heres the cycle, my dad gets annoyed at something I do (I didnt laugh at a joke of his so he got offended), so he takes it out on my mom by ranting to her about it, and then she gets mad about it so she takes it out on me and blames me for it all
  • 04:49:12: ShawnCognitionCP: Have you ever calmly sat down and said you want to have a civil discussion about this? A calm, paced conversation on how you feel, one on one? Of course, keeping the same tone and not allowing yourself to get worked up or aggressive.
  • 04:49:44: ShawnCognitionCP: If you're disallowed this topic with her in that manner, I'm on the verge of calling this flat out abusive.
  • 04:49:44: Kora Stormblade: Yea Ive tried and she just gets angry if I say something which even remotely tests how they act, such as them actually being in the wrong about something
  • 04:50:33: Kora Stormblade: This hasnt happened for a few weeks, so shes just been pretty passive lately. I dont talk to her about my issues because its never any of their faults at all even if I see it to be
  • 04:52:02: ShawnCognitionCP: It's a cycle of frustration and emotional wreckage where the blame is placed on another, until it reaches you, who would typically also blame yourself; your self-awareness in this topic and the previous topic starter proves you are moving away, greatly, from this self-blame, however, which is great news.
  • 04:52:25: ShawnCognitionCP: Her late passiveness; is that typical?
  • 04:52:33: Kora Stormblade: I tell her how I feel about my dad being disrespectful or unreasonable and she goes instantly in to defending him and blaming me if he actually did anything wrong. Even if I came off as a bit rude, shes a 40 year old adult and youd think shed act her own age and have patience
  • 04:52:53: Kora Stormblade: And about her passiveness, well like
  • 04:53:49: ShawnCognitionCP: Research her tone and words in defending him. There's a huge difference between "Don't fucking talk about him like that" and "He didn't mean it that way"
  • 04:53:54: Kora Stormblade: She acts the exact same as she does before, The way it goes is she has passive periods where she tells me shes here if I need anything, shes nice to me and asks me questions, but if I dont talk much (I never really do) she lets it build and built
  • 04:54:18: Kora Stormblade: Until it gets to the point to where a specific instance will set her off and she'll let all of that pressure release
  • 04:54:37: Kora Stormblade: So yea her passiveness is pretty typical
  • 04:55:56: Kora Stormblade: And I guess, although she almost never sees him in the wrong even if he just blatantly is, she usually gives me a bunch of reasons why its my fault and how I made him do what he would do
  • 04:56:10: Kora Stormblade: But yea she doesnt sound like the first option which is good
  • 04:56:42: ShawnCognitionCP: These releases, how long do they last?
  • 04:56:50: ShawnCognitionCP: Does she stay aggressive for days?
  • 04:58:07: Kora Stormblade: It depends, sometimes she can make me cry one day and be utterly angry at me and have a rant at me, and then try and joke around and pretend nothing at all happened, and wont even mention it, maybe about a few hours after, then she'll get upset at why I dont feel like laughing at her jokes much even though I acknowledge them
  • 04:58:24: RenzXVI: This looks bad? http://elderscrolls.wikia.com/wiki/Console_Commands_(Skyrim)/Weather?diff=2511770&oldid=2494704
  • 04:58:28: Kora Stormblade: Other times she can be upset throughout the day and aggressively clean the house, and then be stiff for a few days after
  • 04:58:46: Kora Stormblade: She might mention the subject once or twice and if I respnd wrong she gets upset again
  • 04:59:17: Kora Stormblade: But the most aggressive just lasts maybe at most an hour, and then its just the silent treatment after that
  • 04:59:34: ShawnCognitionCP: How bad does it get? Are they ever threatening, breaking stuff, purposefully intimidating, et cetera?
  • 05:00:20: ShawnCognitionCP: This may be a good shine on overdependance for emotional support, but it also makes perfect sense. A child won't feel positive towards this interaction with their parents, that's simple and understandable.
  • 05:01:44: Kora Stormblade: I mean at worst when I was younger Ive seen my mom throw things out of my brothers bedroom in to the kitchen and break it in the process of throwing. That didnt happen much though. To me she might barge in to my room, get really mad and start crying, blame me for everything and tell me how much she gives up to me and how terrible I make her feel and how ungrateful and difficult I am, and then she'll slam doors and say "Fuck" loudly and aggressively handle things
  • 05:01:49: Kora Stormblade: Never anything physical against me
  • 05:02:22: ShawnCognitionCP: Abuse isn't as simple as physical.
  • 05:02:34: RenzXVI: I wish she just aggressively cleaned the house all the time, and maybe aggressively made you sandwiches.
  • 05:02:42: ShawnCognitionCP: That is certainly emotional abuse, and such an environment could very easily craft these issues you are now facing.
  • 05:03:13: ShawnCognitionCP: You're more likely than not dealing with the fallout of your childhood and early teenaged experiences, when you weren't as mature as you are now and could only allow such things to imprint onto you.
  • 05:03:14: Kora Stormblade: I mean it's hard for me because sometimes she can be very nice and it makes me feel like Im in the wrong, like maybe Im really just misinterpreting it all and maybe I actually am a bad child?
  • 05:03:49: Kora Stormblade: Like just things like that get to me sometimes
  • 05:04:10: Kora Stormblade: I dont worry about it until she gets upset with me which hasnt happened in awhile so Im hoping I can grow out of that more
  • 05:04:20: Kora Stormblade: I tend to be one way or the other in my mind a lot anyways
  • 05:04:44: ShawnCognitionCP: The entirety of that first post seems to be you lapsing back into that imprinted self-blame.
  • 05:04:54: Kora Stormblade: From clearly seeing that this isnt my fault to thinking that Ive been wrong the whole time and maybe it is
  • 05:04:58: Kora Stormblade: Yea probably
  • 05:05:14: ShawnCognitionCP: Unless you've done some horror you haven't shared that ruined someone's livelihood, no, you are certainly not a bad enough of a child to be told you've been given up on.
  • 05:05:49: ShawnCognitionCP: The split of viewpoints is both a show of your developing mindset and growth away from that self-blame, and a coping mechanism for it.
  • 05:05:50: Kora Stormblade: And no I havent done any horror lmao I probably wouldnt be here if I did since I feel bad if I even accidentally kick my dog while walking
  • 05:06:07: Kora Stormblade: And well that's good then
  • 05:06:24: RenzXVI: Your mom even sounds like she's bipolar to me. And yeah, she's obviously horribly unpredictable so it's not your fault if you can't handle her, she's making it impossible to even interpret her so dealing with her is out of the question.
  • 05:06:50: Kora Stormblade: Yea I tend to see her and my dad as just unpredictable, they have really good highs and really bad lows
  • 05:07:38: Kora Stormblade: And Ive seen it change in literally seconds from going happy to angry, or minutes to hours when going from angry to understanding/happy/not angry
  • 05:08:01: Kora Stormblade: It doesnt take much to set them off, they both have road rage if that says anything
  • 05:08:16: RenzXVI: My mom has gotten to the point that if I was going to talk to her about any subject, I have to expect she'd be annoyed before I even do it. I can't say I'm used to it because it still bothers me but I know it's never my fault, at least.
  • 05:08:18: ShawnCognitionCP: You must also acknowledge that you are in the most emotionally unstable period of your life until your late 30s and early 40s, where it's likely to match, not even top. Progressing on your own to the point of splitting partially from that self-blame is a great accomplishment, and only time can complete that transition.
  • 05:08:57: Kora Stormblade: That's reassuring then yea
  • 05:09:01: ShawnCognitionCP: This certainly is not a positive environment for your depression.
  • 05:09:44: ShawnCognitionCP: With you singling out the split of family as your biggest bother, then it draws us back to the suggestion of getting your name out and being active tenfold.
  • 05:09:44: Kora Stormblade: Yea not really, because right now my parents are nice and trying to show theyre there for me so it just makes me go back to self blame and feel like Im even more of a burden for not wanting to be around them
  • 05:09:59: Kora Stormblade: Because I remember all the times when I know I cant rely on them at all
  • 05:10:00: ShawnCognitionCP: It's paired to the point that I believe it may be the best route for you to take.
  • 05:10:38: ShawnCognitionCP: You don't need to feel such a way, it's a justified and understandable reaction. It's a no brainer you'd want to be away during those lows.
  • 05:11:03: ShawnCognitionCP: During the highs, bonding and spending time together is part of that being active and being with people more.
  • 05:11:09: ShawnCognitionCP: Especially with how important family is to you.
  • 05:11:20: ShawnCognitionCP: Watch a movie together?
  • 05:11:27: Kora Stormblade: Yea Ive always wanted to go abroad, Im hoping to go out more. I made a choice to see a play this weekend and it was good, so I see me distancing myself from them after I graduate or get more chances of freedom by hanging with folks are being my best option
  • 05:11:27: ShawnCognitionCP: A television show?
  • 05:11:49: ShawnCognitionCP: Something simple that puts you in the same room to just enjoy being together.
  • 05:12:17: Kora Stormblade: We watch stuff during dinner and they get passive-aggressive upset if I finish eating too early or that I didnt say much even though they didnt talk either lmao
  • 05:12:33: Kora Stormblade: but I mean I guess I can try
  • 05:13:43: ShawnCognitionCP: How do they justify anger over you finishing dinner early?
  • 05:14:19: Kora Stormblade: I skype my friends sometimes so they see me as putting my friends' as more of a priority over them instead and they take offense to that
  • 05:14:45: Kora Stormblade: They assume it means I want to spend less time from them so they take it as the Im angry at them thing
  • 05:15:37: Kora Stormblade: I havent done that really lately though, and sometimes Im the very last one done eating so they kind of cherry pick
  • 05:17:00: ShawnCognitionCP: Are they confrontational about this?
  • 05:17:22: The Crusader of Truth: Is it bad that Cleverbot just told me that I should die
  • 05:17:27: ShawnCognitionCP: There's one thing to remember that I highlighted with Crus.
  • 05:17:44: The Crusader of Truth: Oh sorry to interrupt you guys I forgot this was still going on
  • 05:18:20: ShawnCognitionCP: I do not mean this to invalidate your feelings or belittle you, it could be what it seems, but people with depression are in fact predisposed to see themselves in a lower light and events/others as against them/disliking them.
  • 05:18:21: Kora Stormblade: Yea its the way I interpret it, they just say it in a very passive aggressive way or turn it in to a joke but idk its hard to explain but they hint at a bigger issue, like the things they say in the joke are the same things they yell at me for
  • 05:18:32: Kora Stormblade: And yea I can understand that
  • 05:18:45: Kora Stormblade: I could very well be over thinking the whole thing
  • 05:19:12: ShawnCognitionCP: You could be, you could be seeing it perfectly clear; the only way to come to a conclusion is for you to analyze it.
  • 05:19:26: ShawnCognitionCP: But overanalyzing causes issues that amplify pre-existing ones.
  • 05:19:34: Kora Stormblade: Yea basically
  • 05:19:35: ShawnCognitionCP: The mind is a clusterfuck of trickiness.
  • 05:20:25: Kora Stormblade: definitely lmao, I just do know that there are drastic differences between them and other parents I see, but I also realize that some parents can fake being nice and happy in front of other kids so they dont look bad
  • 05:20:42: Kora Stormblade: So comparing wouldnt be fully accurate snce my parents do the same thing all the time anyways
  • 05:21:50: ShawnCognitionCP: Parents are shining pupils in public. Families are forced to be families.
  • 05:22:08: ShawnCognitionCP: The abusive father that beats his kid with a belt is going to likely come across as a perfect father in public.
  • 05:22:21: ShawnCognitionCP: In the home is where they actually become themselves.
  • 05:22:29: ShawnCognitionCP: Comparing will do you no justice.
  • 05:22:32: Kora Stormblade: Yea Ive always kept that in mind
  • 05:23:03: Kora Stormblade: also Imma try and go to bed tho Im super tired, I really appreciate your help and advice though and Ill take it all in to consideration too
  • 05:23:37: ShawnCognitionCP: It's no issue whatsoever.
  • 05:23:39: ShawnCognitionCP: Goodnight.
  • 05:23:46: Kora Stormblade: goodnight guys o.
  • 05:27:15: The Crusader of Truth: Shawn, have you ever heard of Cleverbot?
  • 05:27:23: ShawnCognitionCP: Yes
  • 05:27:35: The Crusader of Truth: Have you ever used it?
  • 05:27:37: ShawnCognitionCP: All it does is record what users type to it in response to what it said
  • 05:27:45: ShawnCognitionCP: So when you say the first part, it uses the saved response.
  • 05:28:24: The Crusader of Truth: And with multiple responses it uses a random one?
  • 05:28:43: ShawnCognitionCP: It uses a very shit AI to pick what it thinks is the most appropriate response.
  • 05:28:54: The Crusader of Truth: Makes sense
  • 05:29:14: The Crusader of Truth: Went from telling me I should kill myself to saying that I'm cute because I'm nice
  • 05:29:32: ShawnCognitionCP: Not in a conversational/intelligent sense, but picking in a "does it even work with what the last messages were" to build a semblance of a topic with you.
  • 05:29:37: ShawnCognitionCP: Exactly.
  • 05:30:03: The Crusader of Truth: Then it asked me if I was "it's pika-girl."
  • 05:30:15: The Crusader of Truth: Which is not nice
  • 05:31:11: The Crusader of Truth: Honestly though, they could have used this with Oblivion and the conversations would have still been better
  • 05:32:32: ShawnCognitionCP: The sad part is that means someone asked Cleverbot to be its "pika-girl".
  • 05:33:29: The Crusader of Truth: Yeah, which is not good lol
  • 05:35:02: ShawnCognitionCP: Oblivion dialogue is great
  • 05:35:06: ShawnCognitionCP: >walks up to High Elf
  • 05:35:16: ShawnCognitionCP: "Have you heard of the High Elves?"
  • 05:35:18: ShawnCognitionCP: "No"
  • 05:35:26: ShawnCognitionCP: "I see"
  • 05:35:34: ShawnCognitionCP: "He's down there"
  • 05:35:36: ShawnCognitionCP: "Bye"
  • 05:35:45: ShawnCognitionCP: "See ya!"
  • 05:37:15: The Crusader of Truth: "Hello, Breton trash" "What's your opinion on Bretons?" "They're okay" "Have you heard of the recent events in Morrowind" "Yeah, its no wonder they're so territorial" "Well, I've got to go!" "Be seeing you" >walks 3 feet, turns around and starts conversation over again
  • 05:38:53: The Crusader of Truth: >proceeds to follow pattern for the rest of the day until 9, sits down at home, eats for 2 hours straight, then goes to bed to start over the next day
  • 05:39:02: ShawnCognitionCP: "Hello!" "Hi" "Do you know where the market district is?" "Yes" "Okay" walks away
  • 05:39:54: The Crusader of Truth: ...I would still rather have their lives tbh. Only chance of dying is being in the same area as the ingame hero
  • 05:41:31: The Crusader of Truth: Anyway, I probably should go to bed. Thanks for helping out earlier Shawn o.
  • 05:41:49: ShawnCognitionCP: Goodnight, and no issue whatsoever.
  • 06:14:06: KINMUNE: Hello there, Ralvz'jeshka Shakaraph!
  • 06:14:49: Ralvz'jeshka Shakaraph: Dfq
  • 10:45:02: Josetrujillo: sap fuckers
  • 10:54:12: Josetrujillo: xd
  • 12:05:12: KINMUNE: Hello there, The Lusty Dovahkiin!
  • 12:05:15: The Lusty Dovahkiin: henlo
  • 12:05:54: Qahnaarin1997: Hello.
  • 12:28:12: Qahnaarin1997: Ashley, I'm watching the episode where the Marsh's mix up a porno with Lord of the Rings. lol
  • 12:30:14: The Beautiful Princess Ashley: ah
  • 12:30:16: The Beautiful Princess Ashley: nice
  • 12:31:04: The Beautiful Princess Ashley: i love it when jimmy tries to go full gandalf, but he's just trampled by the 6th-graders
  • 12:32:56: Qahnaarin1997: Lol
  • 12:33:55: Qahnaarin1997: Cartman drinking Kenny's cremated remains and going to an abortion clinic to get him out was also great lmao
  • 12:35:36: KINMUNE: Hello there, RedMatt007.!
  • 12:35:54: The Beautiful Princess Ashley: hi
  • 12:36:29: The Beautiful Princess Ashley: i like kenny. i hate how they basically ditched him for a season
  • 12:36:43: The Beautiful Princess Ashley: though the kenny dying episode made me cry
  • 12:37:34: Qahnaarin1997: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=afnJbdT4t5g
  • 12:37:35: KINMUNE: Stupid Mongolians - SouthPark
  • 12:45:16: Qahnaarin1997: Oh fucking hell
  • 12:45:25: Qahnaarin1997: It's the lemiwinks episode
  • 12:45:43: The Beautiful Princess Ashley: i love that one
  • 12:46:25: Qahnaarin1997: When he gets put into Mr. Slave's ass the kids are horrorfied in shock
  • 12:46:42: The Beautiful Princess Ashley: it perfectly shows how people can do whatever they want if they're gay bc people don't want to offend
  • 12:51:14: The Beautiful Princess Ashley: being fired for being gay is not ok. being fired for shoving a gerbal (or however it's spelled) up your lover's ass while a classroom full of kids is watching is ok.
  • 13:36:57: Qahnaarin1997: Ash
  • 13:37:12: Qahnaarin1997: Did you hear the latest shitshow with US republicans?
  • 13:37:35: Qahnaarin1997: One is being accused of statutory rape.
  • 13:37:50: Qahnaarin1997: Then you have someone on Fox defending him.
  • 13:38:13: Qahnaarin1997: America is on it's Series finally for its reality TV show.
  • 13:38:21: Qahnaarin1997: its*
  • 13:58:29: The Beautiful Princess Ashley: fox would even defend republicans if they had tried to use weapons of mass destruction to wipe out all life on earth. them defending a republican is not news
  • 13:58:57: KINMUNE: Hello there, NoodleBoop!
  • 13:59:21: The Beautiful Princess Ashley: hi
  • 13:59:46: NoodleBoop: oh god, I forgot I made this terrible account name.
  • 16:14:41: KINMUNE: Hello there, Dragonborn1107!
  • 16:14:49: Dragonborn1107: hi
  • 16:26:06: Dragonborn1107: qahnaarin
  • 18:09:40: KINMUNE: Hello there, K2000killer!
  • 18:09:57: K2000killer: g'day all
  • 18:14:42: Nekyn Alb: Hello
  • 18:15:21: K2000killer: hey where can i find igunans elixer chest key
  • 18:31:34: Nekyn Alb: Probably in some wiki page
  • 18:46:53: K2000killer: hey renz
  • 18:48:40: RenzXVI: hi
  • 18:49:28: K2000killer: i need a deadrea heart ;(
  • 18:50:04: K2000killer: but i cant find one =(
  • 18:52:25: Nekyn Alb: Jorrvaskr, next to the old dude
  • 18:52:49: K2000killer: thanks ;)
  • 18:58:44: K2000killer: where exatly
  • 19:01:20: MissPappnase: o/
  • 19:01:20: KINMUNE: Hello there, MissPappnase!
  • 19:04:47: K2000killer: 3:)
  • 19:04:53: Nekyn Alb: Ew
  • 19:05:12: K2000killer: what
  • 19:05:31: K2000killer: meant to be a devil face
  • 19:28:06: Nekyn Alb: Oh no, I meant Miss
  • 19:44:24: K2000killer: ok
  • 20:59:11: Nekyn Alb: Hello
  • 21:02:23: RenzXVI: This name is like a female Nekyn http://elderscrolls.wikia.com/wiki/User:Nekta
  • 21:04:48: Nekyn Alb: lol
  • 21:04:53: Nekyn Alb: Martaaa
  • 21:14:04: RenzXVI: https://i.imgur.com/A3HaHe2.jpg
  • 21:28:31: Nekyn Alb: Ew
  • 23:54:55: KINMUNE: Hello there, The Crusader of Truth!
  • 23:55:08: The Crusader of Truth: o/
  • 23:55:40: KINMUNE: Hello there, RenzXVI!
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