I have seen the blog section and it has looked a little dry for good enjoyable blogs. Unfortunately, it is my job to review dry blogs. It's kind of a terrible existence. But you people have to suffer through them to so I guess we're all on the same boat. This is the last review for Man of Steak, and can I say, it's been one crazy ride through the last circle of hell. His blogs just bugged me nonstop and should never be read unless it's for entertainment purposes. FishySalesman should give them a look, I feel like he would get a kick out of making funny caricatures from these. But yeah, here for the last review of Man of Steak is his archnemesis, Madman97, taking a break rom his temporary retirement from wiritng blogs.
(Imagine clean shaven Sheogorath with Bermuda shorts and Hawaiin T-shirt sippin lemonade)
Madman97: Well now! You've dragged me back from Ranty Land for this tripe. Let's have some fun.
DaveL I agree. Remember audience, bold text is the blog, normal text is ours. (Reminder: Any and all views here are soley comedic based and no negative views are held in regards to the author of the blog in question and while the blog may in fact be terrible and jokes are made about the author, it is all for fun) Enjoy.
I can feel the hate already.
I've come up with this new scheme where I link everything that doesn't need linking.
As you all know, the Thalmor are a group of elves who are trying to destroy Nirn via The Towers. Currently, they're doing a pretty bad/good job, depending on what race you are. As we all know, the Thalmor are the ruling body of the Aldmeri Dominion and the rulers of the Summerset Isles. The general opinion of them on the Isles is majorly unknown. They are hated by Nords, Imperials and Redguards, whereas the Breton, Khajiit, Argonian, Bosmer and Dunmer opinions are also majorly unknown.
Dave: I can feel the hate already. Good, we are already on the same page. Cue stupid follow up sentence that nobody thinks is funny. MoS never was one for making good introductions. "As you all know," F*ck, I hate it when he does that. You know, just assume everyone is a lore master and make those less educated feel completely stupid about themselves? "Group of elves trying to destroy Nirn via The Towers." Yeeeeah, while I agree with the theory, it is kind of just a theory. We need backup evidence to support this. We can't just say things willy nilly and just assume they're true.
Madman97: It's like me saying, "As you all know, Man of Steak is raging white supremacist who is trying to destroy all potatoes in the world." The fact that he is known as Derpy Potato makes it all the more devious. But I would be in the same boat as Man of Steak here. I don't provide any evidence for my claim. I just say it. Do you follow?
Dave: Anyway, Man of Steak goes on and say's the Thalmor are doing terrible depending what race you are. That's not technically true. This is just nitpicking, but it more depends on the choice of the player rather than race. I could be an Altmer and join the Stormcloaks I wanted. Man of Steak says, "As we all know" again. F*ck, you'd think he would learn this time around. Then he makes another claim that these races hate this race. While I agree, I must point out the lack of evidence.
Also, the Thalmor either undergo rigorous training or everybody in the group is plain badass. The Thalmor are powerful mages , warriors , archers and politicians . They took the Imperial City easily, and if I mention more people will hate me so I won't continue.
They are the main reason Ulfric started the Civil War, and they want the outcome to be non-existent, basically, they want everyone to lose.
Madman97: So we move on to another possibly false wild claim until we see something that may change the way we see this blog. I feel like he is trying to be funny but...fails at it. It's just...not funny. Where's the A-game? Where's the real humor? I know links are sort of MoS's thing, but, it's just NOT FUNNY! F*CK! SH*T! @$$! B*TCH! (Long sniff) God, it's been too long since my last rant.
Dave: Keep a lid on it. You're still on vacation. Anyway, MoS says Ulfric started the civil war because of the Thalmor. While that technically is true by indirect action, there were many factors as to why Ulfric wanted to sock it to 'em. MoS claims, without evidence of course, that they want everyone within the Civil War to lose. Moving on.
Also, it doesn't really matter who wins the Civil War anyway. Just look at this .
Wrong link, it's this . Notice the amazing, terrifying word beside his name. Official
This is probably my worst blog. I spent a whole five minutes making it. I will make a part two sometime. Probably as a Christmas present.
Steak, signing out.
Dave:...The first link wasn't funny.
Madman97: And the next link?...pfftHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Official and Kirkbride don't exactly go hand in hand my friend. I will stick with Bethesda's canon, not your loony crackhead chump.
Dave: Play nice Madman, you already ranted about him in your season finale.
Madman97: Ooooh, I'm itching for a Grinding part 2. I don't think we bashed him enough.
Dave: You're beating up a dead horse. Let's stick with this one. But yeah, Maddy here sort of has a point. Kirkbride's canon and Bethesda's canon can be considered "different" from one another and just because Kirkbride says something is true, it may not be the case for Bethesda, which holds all official right to the canonicity of the Elder Scrolls and thus controls where the story goes. But that's just my opinion, which doesn't matter when reviewing, so if you want to know the quality of the sentence, it's sh*t. He then goes on to aknowledge that this is his worst blog...Don't know. All of them are pretty terrible. He says he will make a part two(Hell no) as a Christmas Present. Well kid, you're getting coal in your stocking. Madman97, if you will.
Madman97: And the final verdict is (Drumroll please)
...
DEAR AKATOSH WHAT IS THIS!?!
Final word/ Dave: One blog. He couldn't have one good blog!?! Why Man of Steak WHY!?!?!?! This is sh*t, beyond sh*t! It's the sh*ttiest sh*t to ever take a sh*t that took a sh*t that took a sh*t on the name of blogging. HOW DO YOU LIVE WITH YOURSELF!?! (Ahem) I didn't like it. Man of Steak, cheezits crust dude. There is a reason I skipped your other blogs and went right for the most recent. I just want to stop. Your blogs man...there's really no soft way I can put this. All blogs got the lowest rating! And people started to realize the quality was poor too as there were only three comments, two of which had to do with Man of Steak thinking this would be more successful! Why would you think this would be a hit? It's not funny, if that's what you were going for, it serves no purpose, and is a stain on blogs! As always, your introductions are crappy, you speak in opinions, not fact, which is important when you're trying to convey a point. But this blog leads me to think, what is the point? I don't get it! It's not even enjoyably bad, like so bad it's good, like Madman's blogs.
Madman97: Hey!
Dave: It's just bad. I feel like the five minuted wasted reading this just took away minutes of my life I could be doing something useful or meaningful, like binging Game of Thrones or going to a Strip Club, IN THAT ORDER! Who cares what my girl thinks, if she knew what I had to go through, she would pay for the strippers herself! She would pay a f*ckin prostitute if she knew that I had to read through these! I mean, I have nothing against Man of Steak. Really, I don't. Some may think that my view of his blog is biased because I didn't like his other ones, but this one really is terrible! If you feel that I am being biased, please explain in the comments below why this blog was good.
Madman97: I also didn't like it. It's just sort of a poor blog, even by poor blog standards. I will introduce a new catchphrase to use whenever a bad blog comes out and people are forced to read it. "You got mossed!" Yeah, MoS got an insult named after him. How degrading! Man of Steak, if you feel the need to torture us all with your blogs mate, do it with skill or good quality. These blogs, whatever they are, are just not cutting it, and I like cutting things O_O
Dave: OK! I suppose it's time to get Madman97 back on his vacation before he murders everyone on the wikia! This is the last review of Man of Steak, and remember, if you want something reviewed be sure to message me or comment below. Blog Critic, and Madman97, out.